Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, August 24th, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nev.
Results by 411Mania.com

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

-Live from the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, NV

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Randy Orton joins us from the interview area to kick things off. He brings up the controversy from last night where a fan, unbenounced to him, interfered and allowed him to hit an RKO and retain the title. Legacy are there with Orton, and Orton tells Ted it wasn't just some fan was it? Dibiase fesses up that it was in fact his brother Brett. Brett shows up on screen, and Orton tells him his actions were inexcusable and informs him he will never interfere in one of Orton's matches again. Brett apologizes to Randy for his actions, and then Cody chimes in that it doesn't matter anyway because we know Orton would have retained regardless.

-Lillian is in the ring, and she brings out Mr. McMahon, who brings up the WWE Championship from last night. He says Randy Orton is still officially WWE Champion. McMahon says Cena will get a rematch against Orton in three weeks at Breaking Point. McMahon explains the Breaking Point concept of submission matches, and then says Orton-Cena will be the ultimate submission match. An I quit match. Furthermore, if anyone interferes on Randy's behalf, he will be stripped of the title. Vince is set to leave but he gets interrupted by THAT DAMN DX! HHH apologizes for their lack of a tank tonight, because the drop fee on one of those is outrageous in this economy. HHH tells Vince he doesn't like good guy Vince, and it just doesn't work. HHH says he thinks he knows why Vince is in such a good mood, and HBK says today is August 24th isn't it? I guess it's Vince's birthday today. HHH wants to guess who's birthday it is, and says he saw in the paper Dave Chappelle. Shawn tells him to think older and whiter. HHH brings up Oscar Winning Actress Marla Matelin, and Shawn again says think older and more incoherent. HHH says it then comes to him, and wishes Vince a happy 84th birthday. Shawn lets him know that is incorrect, so HHH guesses 74 and then 70. Vince then screams "I'M 64 DAMNIT!" DX then mocks him for actually admitting his age, and Vince asks them to leave. HHH asks why they would just leave? At his age how many more birthdays does he have left? Especially in Vegas. Shawn says if Vince doesn't want to have a Happy Birthday he'll respect it. Shawn tells HHH that Vince is a pioneer, and HHH agrees with he was a pioneer with the Wagon Train. Shawn says Vince is the reason we watch WWE Television, and they'll respect that as soon as they show this tribute. A touching video tribute is shown for Vince, and is of course interrupted by Stand Back and then a collage of Vince's most embarrassing moments. Vince says he's not going to forget about this, and HHH agrees at his age he won't remember it. HHH brings out a large birthday cake, and starts to lead the crowd in Happy Birthday. HHH says he's not feeling it, and says this is Vegas. Anyone can have a cake, but in Vegas things are a little different. HHH says even if you send out memos saying you can't celebrate his birthday there going to do it anyway. Shawn says they didn't follow his rules then, and they don't follow them now. Shawn says in Vegas you have to celebrate with Showgirls, and out comes a parade of Vegas showgirls that seems to bring a smile to Vince's face for a moment. HHH brings out Circe de Solae, and Vince lets them know those masks are really gay. Vince asks if we're done, and HHH says one more thing. Shawn brings out an Elvis impersonator, and I'm a little bit disappointed it's not Honky Tonk Man. Vince comments that he is the skinniest Elvis he's ever seen. Elvis presents Vince with a pair of sunglasses, and then leads everyone in a stirring rendition of Happy Birthday. HHH tells Vince to check out the cake, because its no ordinary cake. Big Dick Johnson is in the cake, and does a little dance for Vince before getting tossed to the floor by the boss. Vince screams that this is enough of this crap, and DX tells him they have one more thing. They inform the party guests that this is private and asks them to leave the ring. They tell him they have one more surprise for him, and appear to set him up for the green paint bath. However they are attacked by RHODES! DIBIASE! LEGACY! Shawn chases them off with a chair, and HHH then says since Mayweather isn't here he'll book a match for tonight. Six man tag with Legacy taking on DX and Vince. Vince then says he's always wanted to say this part, and goes with the "If you're not down with that we've got two words for you…" Why, I ask, did anyone complain about the DX reunion? Shawn is now back on TV, and this was far more entertaining than anything Trips has been involved in all year. That may have also been the longest segment since "This is your life, Rock."