Credit: Steve Cook of 411 Mania
We open with clips from last week when Matt Morgan was offended that Eric Bischoff would make Mr. Anderson wrestle with a concussion. So he took Anderson's place in a chain match with Jeff Jarrett and then got beat up by Fortune. Well, somebody's gotta do it.
"Kung-Fu Bischoff" is your title.
Ric Flair pumps Eric Bischoff up backstage, then our two heroes make their way out to the Impact Zone in lovely Orlando, Florida! Eric is clad in his karate attire, as our hosts Tazz & Mike Tenay remind us of his status as a black belt. A referee is with them, and So Cal Val opens the ropes for Naitch. Eric says they've got some business to take care of tonight. He wants to address Matt Morgan. He & Flair talked to Hulk Hogan, and they all agree that Matt Morgan isn't part of Fortune or Immortal, he is persona non grata. That means he doesn't exist. Bisch tells Morgan to stay away and wishes him well in his future endeavors. Bischoff brings up Mr. Anderson. Flair claims he isn't tough enough to be a wrestler, but Bischoff offers him one last opportunity. Tonight, all Anderson has to do is pin Bischoff 1-2-3 & sign the contract to get a match with Jeff Hardy. They know he's probably at home, but he wants to make one thing clear. If he doesn't get out to the ring, he will never, ever get a shot at Jeff Hardy. He's going to show Anderson a sample of what he's in for. He invites the referee "Stiffler" over. He accuses Stiffler of prematurely taking the handcuffs off of Matt Morgan in the chain match last week. Stiffler denies this claim, but Bischoff smacks him down anyway. Oh, and he's fired too! Flair tells Bischoff it was awesome.
Play the theme song!
Tenay hypes the card, including an intergender 6-person, Abyss vs. Pope, and they'll follow up on the open challenge! Backstage, Fortune wears suits, walks around and laughs. Are they heading to the ring?
Brian Kendrick reads Mick Foley's book to the EV 2.0 fellas. Rob Van Dam walks in and wants to know who's Bischoff's boy. Tommy Dreamer & Stevie Richards try to calm him down, then Fortune walks in behind him. AJ Styles wants them to all kill each other, and volunteers to take on one of them at Turning Point. He goads Rhino some, Rhino tries to attack, but AJ moves and RVD is taken out with a gore into the lockers! More dissention in the ranks of EV 2.0...
We get clips of Mr. Anderson getting beat up by Jeff Hardy.
Mr. Anderson joins Tenay & Tazz via phone. He has a pretty severe concussion, the worst he's had in his life, and he can't tell them what will happen. He had a headache for a few days, and then his short-term memory started going away. It was a pretty scary feeling. He's on his way to the Mayo Clinic to get checked out. He appreciates Matt Morgan for stepping up to the plate, but it's hard to know if he can be trusted or not.
Backstage, Angelina Love asks Velvet Sky to give Sarita the ass beating of a lifetime. Velvet says she will, but wants to prove something to herself and do it on her own. She leaves after a hug, and then Winter appears in the mirror. She says she won't leave Angelina, and she'll never be alone again. Angelina says she doesn't mind being alone, so she leaves the dressing room.
Match 1: Knockouts Action
Sarita vs. Velvet Sky
Last week on Impact, it was Sarita getting the duke over Velvet in a 6-Knockout tag team match, setting up this chance for revenge for Miss Sky. Velvet may be about serious business tonight, but she's still cool with letting the pigeons loose! Whatever that means. Velvet with a go behind, full nelson, Sarita reverses with a go behind, Velvet flips out of a suplex, kick, chop, off the ropes, series of reversals ends with a head scissors by Sky. Armbar by Velvet Sky, Sarita fights out with a yank to the hair. Punch in the corner, they exchange chops, Velvet runs into a boot in the corner. She chin busts Sarita, sitting dropkick. Sarita avoids the DDT, Velvet gets pushed into the corner, then beat down by the Dark Angel. Snap mare, a pinning combination gets two, and Velvet fights back with a chop before being sent back down. She hooks the arms, Velvet slips out of the tiger bomb attempt, whip reversed, Velvet lands a bulldog and a clothesline, then counters a back suplex attempt into a cover for two. Velvet rallies the crowd behind her, but then gets tossed outside. She shows frustration, re-enters the ring, and walks into a kick from Sarita, and then the Tiger Bomb ends it!
Winner: Sarita (about 4 minutes)
Sarita is happy, and Velvet looks disappointed with her effort. Don't worry Velvet, you're still one of my top two people with the last name Sky!
Jeff Jarrett helps Bischoff warm up for his match later. Bischoff jokingly asks Jarrett if he'll apologize to Samoa Joe for breaking his face. They both laugh off the idea, and Jarrett says that he does have a few words for Joe.
Douglas Williams & Kazarian bicker over the status of the X Division title. Ric Flair tells them that when the Horsemen had issues, they settled it in the ring. So tonight, Williams & Kazarian will settle it in the ring. Williams walks over to Christy Hemme, but his attempt at interview time is met with incompetence by the camera crew. Mr. Anderson's microphone drops down from the ceiling. Did Sting drop it?
Match 2: 6-Person Tag Team Match
Generation Me & Tara vs. Ink Inc. & Mickie James 9:41
GenMe reminds Taz of himself when he wrestled. Of course. The American Badass Tara rides out on a motorcycle and wears a shirt calling herself a cougar. Is Mickie's theme song one of hers'? That's the only reason I can think of for them playing it. Jeremy & Jesse Neal start, Jeremy slaps Neal in the corner, Neal with an elbow after some flips, a twisting cross body by Neal gets two. Tag to Shannon Moore, hilo and then an arm drag into an armbar. Moore gets a one count, tags in Neal. Double elbow. Max runs into some shots from Neal, then a swinging neck breaker by Neal gets two. Max tosses Neal onto the apron, then dropkicks him off with some help from Jeremy. Max shoulder blocks him in the corner, then distracts the ref while Tara & Jeremy work Neal over in the corner. Standing dropkick by Max. Tag to Jeremy, who stomps Neal down. Max back in, snap mare into a rear chinlock. Neal fights out, head butt, he gets tripped and pulled outside…Jeremy misses a kick, but Tara doesn't. Moore finally tags in and is a house affire. Mickie ranas Max off the top rope, Jeremy gets tossed out of the ring, Neal thrown on top of him. Moore with a moonsault, Tara breaks it up, then we get a catfight! Max corners Mickie, but walks into a Mick Kick. Ink Inc. hit's the Mooregasm and gets the three count!
Winners: Ink Inc. & Mickie James (about seven minutes)
Generation Me & Tara attack after the bell, leaving the winners to not really look like winners.
Orlando Jordan & Eric Young visit a therapist. Eric wants to know what they should use as a tag team finisher. Apparently they have issues over who should be leader. Eric talks about how he picked the family dog, how he picked people at school, and how he's had lots of partners and lots of teams over his life. He really feels good about this one. OJ's stretching him out and keeping him loose. It's going to be a great tag team.
Jeff Jarrett walks backstage and will speak next!
Team 3D tells the Motor City Machine Guns that they're super excited to have their retirement match with them. They put the Guns over as the best team out there right now. The Guns respect them, but when they go out there they'll do their best to win. No matter who wins, the fans of TNA will win. Respect all around!
We get clips of Jeff Jarrett beating up Kurt Angle, then Samoa Joe, and then Matt Morgan.
MY WORLD! Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring to the jeers of the Impact Zone faithful. It's nice of Jeff to go back to the short hair now that he's a bad guy. He wants to address Kurt Angle first. Where does Kurt get off showing up around here like a thief in the night? Bashing out limo windows, trying to attack Ric & Eric. Jeff knew he was weak, he didn't know he was that weak. Did Eric Bischoff & Ric Flair try to cripple him? No, the issue is with Jeff Jarrett. Jeff tells Kurt to sit back, relax and go home, where he can be all alone. Now he's talking to Joe. He has one word for Joe: I'm sorry. That's two words. If he had any idea that the stage was the height it was when he threw Joe off, he would have gone a lot higher. He'll give Joe an opportunity for a match at Turning Point. He's a good guy, like Jeff used to be, and good guys always come back. Last but not least, everybody in the Impact Zone and at home. He doesn't want to hear the words "You Sold Out" ever again. The truth of the matter is that he bought in.
Jarrett leaves, but gets interrupted when Samoa Joe bursts out of the entrance ramp! Joe knocks Jarrett around the ringside area, brings him in the ring, knees him in the corner, and goes for the Muscle Buster…but Gunner & Murphy run in and take a bullet for the TNA Founder, who exits stage left while Joe deals with the security guards. They make a brief comeback, but Joe ends that with a Muscle Buster on the microphone for poor...one of them.
RVD tells the Reaction camera that he doesn't know who his friends and enemies are, so we shouldn't be surprised if he's just focused on him. He isn't happy.
Eric Bischoff is still warming up for his match that probably won't happen.
Match 3: TNA TV Title Triple Threat Tilt
Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam vs. TNA TV Champion AJ Styles
AJ tries to play RVD & Rhino off of each other, but gets tossed out of the ring. Rhino follows him out, but gets whipped into the steps. RVD kicks AJ from the ring, vaults outside and back in but gets met by an AJ dropkick. Nice punch from AJ. RVD with the monkey flip! AJ regains the advantage by raking RVD's face, then stomps him down while Rhino stands outside like he's a luchador. Finally he gets back involved and trips up AJ. Big clothesline by Rhino, then a belly to belly suplex. He sets up for the Gore, but ends up Goring the turnbuckles instead. AJ walks into a spin kick from RVD. Slam, AJ slips out of another slam. Into the corner, AJ tries to go up top, but RVD kicks him off. RVD & Rhino have a discussion in the middle of the ring, AJ takes advantage and springboards into them, then rolls up RVD, holding the tights for the three count!
Winner: AJ Styles (about four minutes)
RVD & Rhino do some jaw-jacking and EV 2.0 runs down to separate them. RVD punches Raven, then Tommy Dreamer gets the microphone. He wants to know what's going on with RVD, why he won't call them. RVD is looking for his next friend that will attack him like Jeff Hardy did, and asks Tommy what he's hiding. Tommy says he needs his head fixed, so they'll go old school. He & RVD will settle things at Turning Point.
Speaking of people in groups fighting each other, Kazarian & Williams are next!
Abyss calls the Pope a false prophet and claims that Hulkamania will live forever.
Ric Flair joins Tenay & Taz on commentary. He says they're going to keep the situation internal by having a match in front of the audience. Sure.
Match 4: Horsemen-Style Match
Douglas Williams vs. Kazarian
When did the Horsemen regularly have matches with each other? I remember one time ever, Flair vs. Arn Anderson at Fall Brawl 1995. Flair says Kaz is the handsomest man in wrestling, I guess he hasn't met Dashing Cody Rhodes. Some fun chain wrestling and reversals to start things. Beer Money shows up to watch the show. Douglas takes exception to some showboating from Kaz. Side headlock by Douglas, off the ropes, headlock by Kaz, Douglas reverses a sunset flip attempt. Standoff, then a test of strength. Spinning heel kick from Kaz gets two. Double shoulder block takes both men down. Both men get back up, spinning elbow by Douglas, twisting cross body by Kaz rolled through by Douglas for two. Suplex by Williams gets a two count. European uppercut, whip reversed, Williams gets whipped into James Storm, who was up on the apron for reasons unknown to me. Kaz rolls up Williams from behind and gets the three count!
Winner: Kazarian (about four minutes)
Now all four men are yelling at each other in the ring, so Flair has to go down and keep the peace. Flair tries to explain things to Williams, and tells them to put it all aside and shake hands. They're all friends again!
Pope tells the congregation that if he has to pimp slap Abyss over and over again, that's what Pope will do.
Eric Young talks about how his mom wants him to be a single, but the tag thing feels right. They're meant to be together as a tag team. OJ says this is all his fault. He hasn't communicated things right. He has something to tell Eric. He's bi. Eric says he knew that OJ was bipolar months ago, and calls the therapist a scam. He wants his money back!
Abyss (w/Janice) vs. Pope D'Angelo Dinero
Last week, Abyss put Pope in a casket and repeatedly hit it with Janice. (Wow, that sounds weird if you don't realize that Janice is a weapon and not actually a person.) Janice never penetrated the casket, according to Mike Tenay. I'll take his word for it. Pope runs down and starts things right away, punching away on Abyss. Palm thrust by Pope! He runs into a big boot from Abyss. Abyss splashes Pope in the corner, which won't help Pope's injured ribs. Is every baby face injured these days? They go outside and Abyss maintains control of things. Abyss gets into a conversation with a fan, then punches him! Another one gets hit, and two more after him! I'd feel worse for them if they had paid for their tickets.
Winner by Disqualification: Pope D'Angelo Dinero (about three minutes)
Pope challenges Abyss to a lumberjack match at Turning Point, and the lumberjacks will be the Pope's congregation. Abyss agrees to it.
Robbie E. promises to win the X Division title at Turning Point. Cookie says they will party it up in style like they always do, while Lethal goes home and cries to his mommy in Elizabeth. Jersey's in the house, b-----s.
Tenay & Taz present some Turning Point hype. Is it just me or is the Turning Point song actually kinda catchy?
Eric Bischoff promises that somebody will get their ass kicked one way or another. The camera man gets knocked down as he heads to the ring.
Jeff Hardy thought that if he did the right thing he'd be rewarded, but he found out that if he wants something, he should take it. He's let some people down, but there's no turning back now. He invites us to celebrate the Anti-Christ of pro wrestling, Jeff Hardy.
Eric Bischoff's Challenge to Mr. Anderson
The name graphic "Eric Bischoff: Martial Arts Expert" cracks me up. He reminds us of the rules, then has Jeremy Borash give him a ridiculous introduction. And to think Eric wanted to replace JB with Bubba the Love Sponge. Nice pop for Earl Hebner. Bisch is listed at 160 lbs. with 4% body fat. Riiiiiiight. He's 34-0, with all victories by TKO. He is the TNA Kickboxing Heavyweight Champion of the World, and all sorts of other things. Mr. Anderson has never been the TNA heavyweight champion. He's an impotent warrior, the Russian with a concussion, the President Obama of head trauma? Borash tells Eric that this is ridiculous, Anderson isn't here tonight. Big mistake. Eric decides that JB will be his opponent instead. He strikes him in the gut and kicks him around some…
Until Mr. Anderson's music starts playing! Bisch looks towards the ramp, but Matt Morgan appears behind him! Morgan kicks Bischoff's head off, then pins him for a three count! Morgan signs the Turning Point contract to wrestle Jeff Hardy as Impact turns into Reaction.
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