Total Bellas S3 E9 Recap: Nikki Wangsts About Marrying John Cena, Brie Succeeds In Not Killing Nikki

Paris: The City of Love. The name alone invokes images of baguettes, the Eiffel Tower, Audrey Hepburn, black-and-white films with Vaseline on the lens...and, somewhere in the distance, the simpering, whiny drone of former wrestler Nikki Bella, who is wangsting in the Ninth Arrondissement about her impending nuptials to WWE diva John Cena.

For those who have mercifully missed the rest of this season of Total Bellas, it has revolved -- almost single-handedly -- around the on-and-off wedding of these two, who probably deserve one another more than any other people on the planet.

When last we left our girl and her long-suffering sister, Brie, they were enjoying the sights and sounds of Paris for a bachelorette party for the ages. And while this week's episode has us back in Paris -- with all the gorgeous visuals to accompany it -- we're now left dealing with an over-the-top bride who doesn't want to tell "her girls" about her problems because she doesn't want to ruin their good time, but ultimately decides to unburden herself anyway, because to hell with Paris and "her girls" enjoying the city, that's why.

Peep how our girl talks about her "feelings" to her girls when she tries to explain why she's totes unsure about marrying John Cena, you guys.

"I'm just over sacrificing. But now he's sacrificing for me…but I'm over that word and that feeling. I'm just over it. We try to control our emotions, but I can't control how I'm feeling about everything right now. I feel like I'm still in shock," she said.

Well...yeah. That clears everything up, doesn't it? Let it out, Nikki. We're here for ya, girl. *insert eyeroll here*

And oh, look, Nikki practices walking down the aisle. Girl...stop already. We all know you've been practicing that stroll since the day you first heard the name "John Cena." We also all know you're going to walk down the aisle with him, if not this season, then definitely next season, because no one else will tolerate this mess.

Put it this way: Brie finally gets so disgusted with Nikki's "rules" for the bachelorette party that she finally goes off and does her own thing.

Speaking of Brie, back in her house, we see Daniel Bryan getting cleared for the ring. Ultimately, too, he goes back and gives the infamous "fight for your dreams" speech that everyone was talking about for months on end.

There's a big difference between doing something you're forced to do, and doing something you want to do -- and in this case, Bryan wants to be back in the ring, because frankly, that's all he knows. Back in March, when he was cleared to compete on SmackDown Live, he discussed why he hated his retirement -- and it's because he wasn't ready for it to happen. But now that he's back and ready to go, he's going to go all out in his performances from hereinout.

One of the things that makes Bryan so likable, even in the face of such adversity, is that he has a good grasp on "real life," and he handles things in a mature way, as they come up.

The same, however, cannot be said of Nikki Bella and John Cena, who seem hell-bent on getting married because they "have" to now that they got back together, not because they "want to." And now, as the wedding becomes more and more of a reality, they realize that maybe this isn't such a good idea after all, "work" aside.


But oh, woe is all of us, for the preview of the Total Bellas Season 3 finale is upon us, and Nikki informs us that she can't marry John Cena -- she just can't! Oh woe is her! Wangst wangst wangst...sigh.

The season finale of Total Bellas airs next Sunday at 9:00 p.m. EST on E! Network.

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