Netflix recently released a new standup comedy special featuring actor and comedian Jeff Garlin entitled Jeff Garlin: Our Man In Chicago.
Much like actor and comedian Ken Jeong’s Netflix special, You Complete Me, Ho, Garlin told his own professional wrestling story during his own comedy show. Apparently, Garlin was saved by the late great professional wrestler King Kong Bundy while Garlin performing standup at a disco club.
As the story goes, Garlin used to perform at a disco club in Chicago, Illinois under the stage name, Jeff Jizz.
“Okay, so let’s recap. Bar, alcoholics, dance floor, disco ball, Jeff Jizz,” Garlin said. “At this point, a screen drops down behind me and he projects onto the screen two things that he alternates. One of them is my first movie that I did when I was 19 years old, which was a movie called Spring Break. It was a spring break movie and I played the immortal character Crazy Gut Gut and I was a bellyflop champion. And, by the way, I did my own bellyflops because I’m 19 and I’m like, ‘f–k it’ because 19 year olds are stupid! ‘Oh, I’ll be in your movie and do bellyflops!’ What a f–king idiot. To this day, my stomach, I still feel the redness. So he alternates clips of me in Spring Break with porn. So let’s recap: bar, alcoholics, okay, a bar full of alcoholics, dance floor, disco ball, Jeff Jizz, Spring Break, and porn. Now, let me also tell you because I’m mentioning porn and Jeff Jizz. This isn’t a dirty place. Yes, it is open late. Yes, there [are] alcoholics. But most of the time, people are dancing to disco in the 80s.”
According to Garlin, as he performed his standup routine one early Sunday morning, The Curb Your Enthusiasm star was attacked by a bar patron wielding a large rubber penis. Fortunately, King Kong Bundy was the bouncer and was able to make the run in save for Garlin and even walked him to his car after the fact.
“Now, here’s where the story gets weird. I think I’m hallucinating, but I think I see on the other side of the bar, a giant bald man. It almost looks like he’s floating. And I’m like, ‘am I seeing things?’ I mean, a giant bald man. And they’re grinding, alcoholics, dance floor, disco ball, Jeff Jizz, you get it. You know. I suddenly hear, ‘I’m going to kill you! I’m going to kill you!’ And I think to myself, ‘oh f–k, a fight.’ I turn to my left and there is a man. There’s no fight. There’s a man coming at me with a baseball bat like Thor and it appears as though he wants to kill me! And then, as he comes closer, I see it’s not a baseball bat, it’s a giant rubber penis. And I, of course, begin to run and he’s chasing me around the club and I feel it on the back of my neck, the wind, voom, voom.
“So I run around the bar and then, I see him. I go, ‘oh, it’s the bald man! He really exists! Giant bald man!’ I run past him and the other guy with the voom voom, he comes running and the big bald man grabs him like he just a little log and throws him out the front door and into the Chicago winter, and locks the door. He comes over to me [and asks], ‘are you okay?’ I go, ‘yeah, yeah, I’m okay. That was so weird.’ ‘Yeah, that guy was trouble.’ I go, ‘yeah.’ He goes, ‘hi, I’m Chris.’ I go, ‘hi Chris, I’m Jeff Garlin’ and he goes, ‘nice to meet you, Jeff Garlin.’ I go, ‘yeah, thanks, Chris.’ I go, ‘Chris, you look so familiar. Why do you look so familiar? You look so familiar to me.’ He goes, ‘well, you may know me by my? my name is King Kong Bundy.’ And I go, ‘the wrestler? The professional wrestler? The famous f–king wrestler? You? King Kong Bundy? You saved me? What the f–k? What the f–k? This is so f–king weird!'”
Garlin said that despite the intense ordeal, the owner of the club told him to finish the set.
“And with that, Bill (the owner of the club) walks up in his red tuxedo,” Garlin said. “He says, ‘alright, go on up and finish.’ I said, ‘finish?’ He goes, ‘go on up and finish.’ I go, ‘wait a second! Did you see what just happened? That’s quite a show! Do I really owe you more?’ He goes, ‘yeah, you want to get paid? Go finish.’ So I’m standing there trying to decide. He goes, ‘what’s wrong?’ I go, ‘you know, I’m trying to decide if I want to go outside and leave because that guy might be waiting for me with the penis and I don’t want him beating me with the [synthetic penis].’
“So I went up and I finished… I leave and King Kong Bundy walked me to my car, which was also f–king weird that this great 80s wrestler walked me to my car. And the whole way home, I’m going, ‘King Kong Bundy saved me! What is that?’ And by the way, that was the weirdest story and nothing was changed. There’s no innocent in that story to be protected.”
Garlin added, “I might be the innocent that needs protecting.”
Subscribe to Netflix to check out the special. If you use any of the quotes from this article, please credit Netflix’s Jeff Garlin: Our Man In Chicago with an H/T to Wrestling Inc. for the transcription.