Total Divas Recap: Nikki's Rehab Begins, Rosa's Relationship, Nattie's Family Photo Shoot, More

We open with the news that Rosa is angry because Bobby is going to Vegas for work-related reasons.

Hey, what actually is Bobby's job anyway? At first I thought they said he worked in a tattoo parlor. Then he said something about running a clothing line. Then Rosa mentioned him having a new album coming out. It's all suspiciously vague. He seems to have a lot of money, though. Anyway: My new head canon is that he's an international drug kingpin, hence all the secrecy and constant travelling.

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Back to the point: Rosa's paranoid and wonders what he'll get up to. Oh, please. Like anything sleazy could ever happen in Vegas.

Rosa is, of course, heavily pregnant, so she's a bit hormonal at the moment. He may have picked the entirely wrong time to do this. "I don't want any woman talking to Bobby or touching him!" she says to her friends, as if that's a perfectly reasonable request.

Things get worse when she tries to call him later on and realizes he has turned his phone off. Well, duh, he's probably making sure the shipment arrives exactly on time and/or killing rival drug lords. He can't be taking phone calls right now.

Happily for Rosa, it's revealed Bobby was in Vegas shopping for an engagement ring. Well, so he tells her. I'm still going with my Scarface theory.

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Meanwhile, Nikki's having serious neck problems. She goes for an MRI and the results aren't good. She's facing a long road to recovery. Perhaps hoping that his superhuman abilities will rub off on her, she asks Cena to be her rehab coach.

Alas, Cena turns out to be a very strict coach. He tells her to start rehabbing and going to the gym right away, not sit around and rest and watch TV. He takes away her phone so she can focus on working out. He also tells her to tone down the wine-drinking. Nikki almost faints from the shock of that one. She appears to be spending most of this episode wondering when her calm, relaxed boyfriend suddenly turned into the bad guy from Full Metal Jacket.

It seems to be taking it's toll on their relationship and even Cena admits at the end: "I'd rather be your lover than your coach." Wait, did Cena just give up at something? Total Divas truly is full of shocks and surprises.

In other news from this week's show: Nattie wants to get her family together for a big photoshoot. She even orders these hilariously awful outfits for everyone to wear. Seriously: They have bow-ties and come with big feather boas. I wonder many Sesame Street characters died to make those costumes. Too many, I suspect.

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Poor Nattie just can't relax and insists on approaching the whole thing like it's a major military operation. Her sister Jenni innocently drops a glass on the floor at one point and Nattie looks like she's about to order one of her cats to attack and kill her.

Eventually TJ talks her around and makes her feel OK, though. Thankfully, Nattie also acknowledges she thinks the outfits are ugly, so her fashion taste isn't totally buried by the booking team.

On next week's show: A heavily armed SWAT team storms into Rosa's house in the middle of the night and arrests Bobby. As they drag him away, he vows to break out of jail.

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