Thanks to Dave Meltzer of WrestlingObserver.com

Results from tonight’s tapings at the San Francisco Cow Palace

Dark match

Scotty 2 Hotty b Ken Doane using the worm. Doane didn’t do anything special, but was on the money with everything.

Velocity
Kid Kash b Paul London after blocking a huracanrana and using a springboard moonsault. This was the best match of the night

Bobby Lashley b Jason ? after the dominator. Post-match, Big Vito & Nunzio attacked Lashley but he laid them both out as well. Nunzio did a great job of selling. Quick match

Sylvan b Funaki with a face first suplex. WWE is hiring models and putting them in the stands to take photos of Sylvan. They had two women at ringside, with identical cameras, jumping up and down like they thought he was hot. Both made it on TV. After the match, both went backstage. They were the only two women in the place who gave a crap about him. Based on numerous catcalls, it is very clear a lot of people in the crowd watched TNA and slow-mo’d one of the segments.

Jillian Hall b Stacy Keibler with her feet on the ropes. Hall wears a Vader mask covering her supposed mole (which would fall off her face in a match so they have to cover and pretend it’s there). Very amateurish, largely because of Keibler

Smackdown

It opened with the Peep show, where Mysterio, Hardy, Holly and JBL all came out to campaign for votes for the Taboo Tuesday match. Hardy actually got the biggest pop of all, and it’s clear they he wasn’t the original plan of who they wanted in the match, but he may wind up being there. JBL had the best line, saying if Masters was any smarter, he’d be a moron. Teddy Long came out and ordered a five-way free-for-all

Mysterio won the five-way pinning Christian with a huracanrana. Crowd popped for a Tower of Doom spot. JBL clotheslined Holly. Hardy gave JBL the twist of fate. Christian gave Hardy the unprettier. Mysterio then pinned Christian. When it was over, Mysterio and Hardy were in the ring together asking for votes.

Backstage, Booker T & Sharmell were in Teddy Long’s office. Long showed Booker the footage from his title win last week and Sharmell also interfering the previous week. Booker threw a fit at Sharmell, told her he would defend the title against Chris Benoit tonight and that Sharmell had to apologize to Benoit

Roddy Piper showed up. He was confronted by Bob Orton. Piper told Bob that he wrestled his father who was a tough guy, and a smart guy. He insinuated Bob wasn’t so smart. He saw Randy and started talking about reverse evolution, and that he’s surprised Randy isn’t walking on all fours.

They did a backstage stint where the munchkins played a prank on Simon Dean

Next was a very clever bit of manipulation. Palmer Canon came out. Zero reaction to him. Nobody knows he’s a heel. Most people didn’t even know who he was. Then they played a big Undertaker video and Taker’s music. When it was over and everyone was expecting Undertaker, they turned the cameras on Canon and people booed because Undertaker wasn’t there. On TV, it’ll come across like Canon is this big over heel. He then put over the juniors division

Short Sleeve Sampson b a blond little guy who looked like Billy Idol. Even though one guy is from New England and the other is from Seattle, they came out to Mexican music, as I guess the idea was using Mexican minis. A guy who looked like Pierrothtito was in the skit earlier in the show. The Billy Idol mini was called something Patterson, like maybe Little Patterson. If this was a joke, the p.a. was so bad that in the one arena in the country where they’d get the joke, nobody understood it. To say this died would be giving it more credit than it’s due. There were screams of “This is why Smackdown sucks so bad” going on in between the lack of any crowd reaction to 40 year old comedy bits. Sampson won. Nick Patrick was given a low blow. Simon Dean came out and did some comedy fighting with both little guys. Just hideous attempts at comedy that nobody laughed at, which actually describes about 80% of the humor in WWE.

Booker called out Benoit. He told Benoit that he apologized and was offering him a return match. Benoit’s ribs were all wrapped up from the insane tope last week. Benoit accepted the match but didn’t care if Booker or Sharmell apologized. Booker told Benoit that he figured that, but Sharmell still had to apologize. Sharmell was totally insincere and she and Booker had a big fight. She ripped on Booker and left. As Benoit was watching her leave, Booker went heel and nailed Benoit with a belt shot and he juiced and was left laying.

MNM won the tag titles in a four-way over LOD, Mexicools and Regal & Birchall. Super Crazy worked most of the match and carried it. Christy Hemme is no longer with LOD, but Juventud still has to act like a valet outside the ring for the Mexicools while holding the useless belt. Heidenreich hot tagged in and you can imagine how bad that was. They set up the doomsday device, but the Tolands pulled Animal off the top and brawled with him. Inside the ring, MNM gave Heidenreich the snapshot and Mercury pinned him to win the title.

They announced Lashley vs. Vito & Nunzio in a handicap match next week. Vito & Nunzio also wanted a tag title match

Batista & Guerrero & Piper b Ortons & Kennedy. Guerrero is full-time face and the low rider ring entrance is back. Piper clearly was given no lead time to get in shape. Batista gave Kennedy and Randy spinebusters. Guerrero gave Kennedy a frog splash. With them laid out, Piper put Bob in the sleeper for the win. Piper was the most popular wrestler on the show.