WWE RAW Results (8/24) - Vince McMahon Returns!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, August 24th, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nev.
Results by 411Mania.com

"Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event?"

-Live from the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, NV

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Randy Orton joins us from the interview area to kick things off. He brings up the controversy from last night where a fan, unbenounced to him, interfered and allowed him to hit an RKO and retain the title. Legacy are there with Orton, and Orton tells Ted it wasn't just some fan was it? Dibiase fesses up that it was in fact his brother Brett. Brett shows up on screen, and Orton tells him his actions were inexcusable and informs him he will never interfere in one of Orton's matches again. Brett apologizes to Randy for his actions, and then Cody chimes in that it doesn't matter anyway because we know Orton would have retained regardless.

-Lillian is in the ring, and she brings out Mr. McMahon, who brings up the WWE Championship from last night. He says Randy Orton is still officially WWE Champion. McMahon says Cena will get a rematch against Orton in three weeks at Breaking Point. McMahon explains the Breaking Point concept of submission matches, and then says Orton-Cena will be the ultimate submission match. An I quit match. Furthermore, if anyone interferes on Randy's behalf, he will be stripped of the title. Vince is set to leave but he gets interrupted by THAT DAMN DX! HHH apologizes for their lack of a tank tonight, because the drop fee on one of those is outrageous in this economy. HHH tells Vince he doesn't like good guy Vince, and it just doesn't work. HHH says he thinks he knows why Vince is in such a good mood, and HBK says today is August 24th isn't it? I guess it's Vince's birthday today. HHH wants to guess who's birthday it is, and says he saw in the paper Dave Chappelle. Shawn tells him to think older and whiter. HHH brings up Oscar Winning Actress Marla Matelin, and Shawn again says think older and more incoherent. HHH says it then comes to him, and wishes Vince a happy 84th birthday. Shawn lets him know that is incorrect, so HHH guesses 74 and then 70. Vince then screams "I'M 64 DAMNIT!" DX then mocks him for actually admitting his age, and Vince asks them to leave. HHH asks why they would just leave? At his age how many more birthdays does he have left? Especially in Vegas. Shawn says if Vince doesn't want to have a Happy Birthday he'll respect it. Shawn tells HHH that Vince is a pioneer, and HHH agrees with he was a pioneer with the Wagon Train. Shawn says Vince is the reason we watch WWE Television, and they'll respect that as soon as they show this tribute. A touching video tribute is shown for Vince, and is of course interrupted by Stand Back and then a collage of Vince's most embarrassing moments. Vince says he's not going to forget about this, and HHH agrees at his age he won't remember it. HHH brings out a large birthday cake, and starts to lead the crowd in Happy Birthday. HHH says he's not feeling it, and says this is Vegas. Anyone can have a cake, but in Vegas things are a little different. HHH says even if you send out memos saying you can't celebrate his birthday there going to do it anyway. Shawn says they didn't follow his rules then, and they don't follow them now. Shawn says in Vegas you have to celebrate with Showgirls, and out comes a parade of Vegas showgirls that seems to bring a smile to Vince's face for a moment. HHH brings out Circe de Solae, and Vince lets them know those masks are really gay. Vince asks if we're done, and HHH says one more thing. Shawn brings out an Elvis impersonator, and I'm a little bit disappointed it's not Honky Tonk Man. Vince comments that he is the skinniest Elvis he's ever seen. Elvis presents Vince with a pair of sunglasses, and then leads everyone in a stirring rendition of Happy Birthday. HHH tells Vince to check out the cake, because its no ordinary cake. Big Dick Johnson is in the cake, and does a little dance for Vince before getting tossed to the floor by the boss. Vince screams that this is enough of this crap, and DX tells him they have one more thing. They inform the party guests that this is private and asks them to leave the ring. They tell him they have one more surprise for him, and appear to set him up for the green paint bath. However they are attacked by RHODES! DIBIASE! LEGACY! Shawn chases them off with a chair, and HHH then says since Mayweather isn't here he'll book a match for tonight. Six man tag with Legacy taking on DX and Vince. Vince then says he's always wanted to say this part, and goes with the "If you're not down with that we've got two words for you?" Why, I ask, did anyone complain about the DX reunion? Shawn is now back on TV, and this was far more entertaining than anything Trips has been involved in all year. That may have also been the longest segment since "This is your life, Rock."

Santino Marella vs. The Miz
I'm not sure if you can still read this report, because the world may have just imploded on itself from this much concentrated awesome in one place at the same time. Miz attacks early, but Santino is back with a hiptoss. Miz comes back with a boot to the midsection, and a clothesline on the top rope for two. Running boot to the face by Miz gets another two count, and then he locks in a crossface chickenwing. Miz misses a charge in the corner, and then starts to Santino up with a series of right hands. Flying saluting splash misses by Santino, and that allows Miz to hit his new finisher the skull crushing finale at 2:04. Miz says that was him getting one step closer to beating Kofi for the US Title. Because he's the Miz, and he's awesome. I would have loved to have seen these two get some promo time with each other, but after that 28 minute opening segment I have a feeling we're going to see a lot of these 2 minute matches tonight.
Winner: The Miz (Pinfall-Skull Crushing Finale ?*)

Six Diva Tag Team Match: Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, & Rosa Mendes vs. Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, & Gail Kim
This is billed as Mayweather mayhem even though he's not even in the building yet. All the girls are dressed in boxing themed attire. Gail starts with Beth, and gains control quicky before tagging in Kelly. Kelly hits a hurracanrana, but gets quickly caught by Beth in a backbreaker. Beth drives her into the heel corner, and tags in Rosa. Kelly comes right back hitting a clothesline, before tagging in Mickie. Alicia tags in and Mickie delivers a series of boxing like punches, and then hits a neckbreaker for one with Beth makes the save. Mickie comes in with a missile dropkick on Beth, and Kelly sends Rosa to the floor with a clothesline. Lou Thesz press connects for Mickie, but then gets thrown shoulder first into the ringpost by Alicia. Fox hits a scissor kick on Mickie which gets the win at 2:33. So I guess Alicia is Mickie's next challenger?
Winners: Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, & Rosa Mendes (Fox pins James-Scissor Kick *)

-Shawn goes over his concerns with facing Legacy tonight while HHH checks out "The Rise and Fall of WCW" DVD. There is construction in the back, so they have to talk over it. Shawn says they usually leave the shameless product shilling for their products. HHH agrees, and then he pimps some DX merchandise. Shawn wants to know how we get Vince fired up at his age? HHH says he came up with an idea, and if he's right Vince should be fuming right now. Flash to Vince's office where Jillian is there in full Marilyn Monroe garb to sing Happy Birthday. Vince screams at her to get out.

-Show and Jericho are out, and Show tells Mayweather he's doing the right thing by ducking the arena tonight so far. Show says they have unfinished business from Wrestlemania XXIV, and until he shows up he's not leaving the ring. He says no one can make him, and Jericho chimes in that no one can make him leave either. We then see Mayweather and his entourage showing up in the back as we head to break.

-Mayweather and his posse head to the ring as we return from break to confront JeriShow. Floyd says Show knows what he did to him last year at Wrestlemania, and he says he will do it again tonight. But he has a September 19th pay per view fight that is more important. Floyd gets in Jericho's face, and Jericho says he disagrees with the introduction that he is the greatest fighter in the world. Jericho says he thinks he's a great self promoter, and he thinks in his big comeback fight against Juan Manuel Marquez he's going to get knocked out. Show says after Marquez cleans his clock maybe Jericho and him will step in the ring and clean up what's left. That brings out MVP who says he doesn't appreciate JeriShow talking to his boy like that. He says they are the unified Tag Team Champions, but its obvious they aren't that intelligent. He says Floyd could punch Jericho in the face 32 times before he even got a chance to open his mouth, and tells him to ask Big Show all about it. Jericho says he knocked out Show with the help of 18 of his friends. MVP says Show could have done the same thing if he had any friends. Jericho says he better watch what he says about his friend, and MVP then implores him to shut up. MVP says the only reason that Jericho is on Raw is because he's one of the Unified Tag Champs. However he says if someone beat them for the belts Jericho would have to go back to Raw and they wouldn't have to deal with them. Show asks who is going to beat them, and MVP then asks Mayweather if he can find a partner and they can beat JeriShow tonight would he give them a title shot at Breaking Point. Mayweather says that sounds good, and asks who he had in mind. MVP brings out Mark Henry, and they head to the ring for the match which will be next. MVP and Herny? Cue the New Nation comments.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry
Back from break joined in progress with MVP hitting a drive by kick on Jericho for two. Show tags in Jericho as he hits the ropes, and comes in with a big clothesline on MVP. Bodyslam connects by Show, and then grabs a side headlock. MVP fights out of that, but runs into a big boot from Show. Show locks in a full nelson, and then slams MVP to the mat before tagging in Jericho who covers for two. Jericho boots MVP in the ribs, and then draws the referee away allowing Show to choke him from the outside. Jericho slingshots MVP under the bottom rope clothesining his throat, but then hits the ropes running into a clothesline. MVP goes for the tag, but Jericho is able to pull him away. Jericho drops an elbow on MVP, and then locks in the half nelson-chinlock. ASK HIM! MVP elbows free, but gets a knee lift from Jericho who then dumps him to the floor. Mayweather talks trash from the floor, as he stayed out for this one, and then Jericho goes outside after MVP to just casually throw him back inside. Headbutt connects by Jericho, but then MVP fires back with a series of forearms. MVP goes for the tag, but again Jericho stops him by pushing him into the heel corner and tagging in Show. Show drops an elbow on the knee of MVP, and then locks in a spinning toehold. Bodyslam by Show connects, and then he tags Jericho back inside. MVP gets sent for the ride, but comes off with a double clothesline spot which you would think sets up the hot tag. Instead we head to commercial. Very odd spot for a break. Even though I loved the opening segment (and judging by the comments I'm alone in that assessment) it really has messed with the flow of this show.

Back from break and Jericho is still in control with a chinlock on MVP. MVP hits the ropes, and comes with a rollup out of nowhere for two. Jericho is again able to stop the tag attempt, and delivers a headbutt to MVP. Lionsault attempt by Jericho misses as MVP moves out of the way, and FINALLY MVP makes the hot tag to Henry. Henry destroys Jericho with a headbutt, but misses a charge in the corner. Jericho goes for a codebreaker, but Herny catches him and goes for the Worlds Strongest Slam. Jericho counters into a sweet DDT, but it only gets a two count. MVP tags in and delivers a throw to Jericho, and then hits a facebuster. Ballin' elbow connects for a two count, and Jericho comes right back with an enzaguri. Henry makes the save, and then sends Big Show crashing to the floor. The ref puts Henry out of the ring, and while that is going on Mayweather slips MVP some brass knucks. He blasts Jericho with them, and that picks up the win at 14:32 setting up the title match at Breaking Point. The first part was pretty slow, but everything after the hot tag was great.
Winners: Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry (MVP pins Jericho-Brass Knucks ***)

-Legacy is talking to Brett in the back, but Randy interrupts and kicks Brett out. Orton says tonight they can redeem themselves for last night, and Orton can do something he should have done a long time ago. He says if Vince wants to make an I Quit match with him and Orton he's going to make sure it's the last match Vince ever makes.

Boxing Exhibition Match: Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
Oh. My. God. Hornswoggle in boxing gear. Awesome. The ref reads instructions, and then informs Chavo he needs different gloves. Chavo has to wear ridiculously oversized gloves as his handicap for this week. The ref warns Swoggle about low blows, and Lawler rightly questions where else can he hit. Not sure how to recap a boxing match between a midget and a jobber, but I think you can imagine. Chavo can't catch Swoggle and Swoggle catches him with a series of shots. Horny knocks Chavo down, and that pisses him off enough to take the gloves off and slam Horny drawing the DQ at 1:06. Chavo goes to the top rope for the Frog Splash, but Evan Bourne is out to make the save. I guess the midgets have to stick together. After taking out Chavo, Evan hits the Air Bourne for good measure. I'm one of the few Hornswoggle apologists out there, and even I admit this is starting to get old.
Winner: Hornswoggle (Disqualification-Bodyslam DUD)

-A look back at Summerslam weekend, and all the B-List celbs that they ran into.

-Vince warms up with Mayweather in the back getting ready for his match. Carlito interrupts, and says Floyd is a terrible guest host because he's not even on the show. HHH then stops by and asks if Vince is ready? Vince says he's getting busy, and HHH tells him that gives him more time to get busy with his daughter. Nice! That pisses Vince off enough to accidentally knock out Carlito, and then HHH says he was just kidding. Shawn chimes in by saying "Now that was cool"

Six Man Tag Team Match: D-Generation X & Mr. McMahon vs. Legacy
Nothing, I repeat nothing, spells rebelling against authority like teaming with Vince McMahon. Shawn gets sick of watching Legacy stalk to the ring, so HHH back drops him over the top onto them to start things off. Cody starts off inside, and gets a beatdown from all three members of the face team before getting backdropped over the top rope onto Ted and Randy waiting on the floor as we head to break.

We return from commercial and DiBiase had HHH in a rear chin-lock. HHH counters with a DDT. Both guys are down now trying to make the tag. HHH makes the tag to HBK who comes in like a ball of fire. HBK lays DiBiase out and then clears Orton and Rhodes off the apron. HBK with an atomic drop on DiBiase and now he heads to the top rope. He comes down with his vintage elbow drop. Rhodes hits HBK from behind with a bulldog. DiBiase holds HBK's leg and tags in Orton. Orton stomping away at HBK. Orton dominating the action. HBK continues to take a beating. Orton with a long chokehold spot on HBK. HBK finally fires up and hits a back-breaker on Orton to break the hold. Both guys down. Orton tags in Rhodes who runs over and knocks HHH and Vince off the apron before HBK can make the tag. HBK finally makes the hot tag to HHH. HHH comes in and is throwing Cody Rhodes all over the place. Vince asks HHH for the tag. HHH hits Rhodes with the pedigree and then tags Vince in. Vince comes in and immediately pins Rhodes but Orton breaks up the pin. Orton sets up Vince for the punt but HBK stops him at the very last second. HHH hits the ring as well and Orton backs off. As he backs up the aisle John Cena's music hits and out comes Cena standing his ground, so Orton cannot run. Cena charges at Orton and throws him back in the ring. HBK hits him with Sweet Chin Music. Cena hits him with the Attitude Adjustment. Vince pins Orton, because it was a no disqualification match, and he and D-X win the match.

Winners: Vince McMahon & D-Generation X