WWE RAW Results (8/31) - D-X, Dusty Rhodes, & More!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, August 31st, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Mich.
Results by 411Mania.com

"Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event?"

-Live from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Dusty Rhodes is out to start the show, and still has one of the all time great theme songs in wrestling history. Dusty says he's proud of his son Cody Rhodes, and he says he knows he gets an attitude about himself while running around with Randy Orton. He says there is nothing a father would not do for his son, but he hopes some day his son will see the light. He hopes that day is tonight. Dusty says in two weeks we have an I Quit match featuring John Cena challenging his son for the title, because tonight Cody faces Orton for the WWE Title. Dusty will be in Cody's corner for the match. Dusty goes on to say the special referee for the match will be John Cena. Randy Orton interrupts obviously upset about this turn of events, and says its obvious that Dusty is jealous of him. He's jealous because Cody looks up to him more than he ever looked up to Dusty. He says trying to suck up to his son by giving him a title match is one of the most shameless acts he's ever seen. He asks what makes him think that Cody will even accept. Dusty says Cody is hungry, and he's gonna make sure he's here to raise his hand. Randy asks Dusty why he shouldn't punt him right here like he did two years ago. That brings out Cody, and he reminds Orton that Dusty has a far greater legacy than they do. He says they are associates, and even he likes to think friend, but this is too great of opportunity to pass up. He says tonight he plans on breaking Orton's record, and becoming the youngest WWE Champion in history. He tells Orton its not personal, but strictly business. Orton says its obvious that the fix is in, and Dusty tells him he better believe it. Sadly we never hear that Cody is going to the pay windah.

Six Diva Number One Contender Battle Royal-Participants: Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes, Jillian Hall, & Alicia Fox
The winner of this one gets a shot at the Diva's Title later tonight. Poor Gail doesn't even get her own entrance instead coming out with Kelly. Everyone pairs off, and after she double crosses Beth Rosa gets quickly tossed. Alicia hits a scissor kick on Kelly, but when she takes a moment to pimp she gets tossed by Gail. Beth throws Kelly out, and Gail then pairs off with Beth. Gail knocks her to the apron, and nearly tosses her before Jillian makes the save. Jillian gets Gail to the apron, but she is able to get back inside. Gail goes for a springboard crossbody off the second rope, but that misses and Jillian goes for the handspring elbow. Gail gets the knees up to stop that, and they trade near elimination spots. Jillian blocks a hurracanrana is botchtastic fashion, as the crowd really starts to turn on this one. Gail gets dumped over the top, but she holds onto the top rope and ends up headscissoring Jillian to the floor. Gail is still on the apron though, and that allows a rested Beth to deliver a kick sending Gail to the floor and ending this match at roughly the 7 hour mark. Oh wait, it just felt like that long it was actually just the longest 4:01 in history. That sets up Beth vs. Mickie for the Diva's Title later tonight.
Winner: Beth Phoenix (Last Eliminates Kim -*)

Chris Jericho vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Jericho again shows that he is the best in the world, by selling the jaw that got popped with brass knuckles last week. Its the little things sometimes that make all the difference, and a lot of times that's what is missing today. MVP gets a go behind takedown, and its sets up a bit of a chain wrestling sequence which Jericho gets the better of. Irish whip sends MVP crashing into the corner, and that allows Jericho to put the boots to him. Back suplex connects by Jericho for a two count, and they trade blows in the middle with MVP getting the better of the exchange. MVP hits a throw, and then delivers a facebuster attempt which is countered by Jericho into a Walls attempt. MVP kicks him off, and then delivers a big boot for a two count. MVP delivers a flying clothesline for two, and then a running boot in the corner which misses. Jericho hits a springboard dropkick which sends MVP crashing to the floor as we head to commercial.

Back from break and Jericho has the half nelson chinlock applied, and he implores the official to ASK HIM! MVP elbows out, but runs into a boot from Jericho who heads to the second rope. MVP catches him coming off the ropes, but runs into a knee as Jericho regains control. Jericho hits a running bulldog, and goes for the lionsault which misses. MVP hits a low dropkick, and that allows him to hit the ballin' elbow for a two count. MVP goes for the playmaker, but Jericho is able to reverse into a Walls of Jericho attempt. MVP reverses himself into a small package for two. Jericho then hits the codebreaker out of nowhere, and that gets the pin at 8:47. Jericho again brings the awesome in a match that bodes well for the tag match at Breaking Point if these guys dominate the action.
Winner: Chris Jericho (Pinfall-Codebreaker **3/4)

-Dusty is in his office checking out the WCW DVD and DX decides to interrupt. HHH says they know how he feels about his boy, but him and Dibiase are both a disgrace to their father's legacy. Dusty promises one of them a title shot if Cody wins tonight, and they have a hilarious argument over who gets the shot. Shawn becomes a hero of the internet by saying "Its not like you haven't had enough shots already." They then shamelessly plug the WCW DVD, Dusty's DVD, and the DX DVD, and then they decide they're going to watch a DVD rather than Raw because Dusty's the host and he can just tell them what's going to happen. This whole thing was absolutely phenomenal.

Texas Bullrope Match: Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
The feud MUST CONTINUE! I understand the rules to this one is the first man to tie his opponent up is the winner. Okay, then. HHH and Orton thinks these guys have wrestled too often lately. The costumes are hilarious though with Hornswoggle in full cowboy garb, and Chavo dressed as a cow. Yes, a cow. The Ref tells Chavo he has to put the cow head on the costume, and threatens Chavo with a forfeit if he doesn't put it on. They have a tug of war, and after a headbutt to the gut Hornswoggle decides to ride Chavo a bit. Hornswoggle walks into a big boot from Chavo, and then Chavo heads up to for the frog splash. Evan Bourne comes down to protect the little guy, and that allows Swoggle to slide outside and trip up Chavo. Hornswoggle is able to tie him up, and that gives him the victory at 1:58. Chavo attacks Bourne after the match leaving just him and Swoggle, but a charge at Swoggle comes up empty and Chavo runs shoulder first into the post. Bourne is back with a kick, and Chavo hits the Tadpole Splash with the cow head on. I liked this for a while. I really, really, did. And I even found this one perversely entertaining, but it has to be time to move on.
Winner: Hornswoggle (Hog Tying DUD)

The Big Show vs. Mark Henry
I could be wrong, and I'm sure you guys will be right there to refresh my memory, but I can't remember this match ever happening. Henry gets the better of the lockups at the outset to assert his strength advantage. We hit the way back machine next as they lock up in a test of strength which Henry begins to take control with. Show stops that with a knee to the gut, and they trade headbutts. Show goes for a chop, but Henry stops that with a boot and grabs a side headlock. Show hits the ropes and delivers a spear which puts Henry down, and then he locks in a front facelock. Show drives a shoulder into the mid section, but walks into an elbow from Henry. Henry hits a pair of avalanches in the corner, and then one mid ring which puts Show down. Big splash from Henry connects for a two count, but another avalanche attempt instead connects with the elbow of Show. Show takes off the turnbuckle pad in front of the referee, and then fires a charging Henry into the exposed steel drawing the DQ at 5:14. Show delivers a knockout punch after the bell for good measure. Even on the hoss vs. hoss scale this was pretty lousy.
Winner: Mark Henry (Disqualification-Exposed Buckle 1/4*)

-Dibiase asks Rhodes if he's ready, and Cody says tonight he's going to make an impact. Orton stops by to make sure he wants to go through with it, and Cody answers with an affirmative. Orton reminds him whatever happens it's strictly business.

-Back to DX and Dusty watching the WCW DVD, and they make fun of the fingerpoke of doom. Dusty denies any responsibility for it, and blames it all on Big Sexy. Shawn tells him thats why they lost the war, and Dusty reminds him of 1996-98 when WCW dominated. Shawn tells him that's because they were only using old WWF guys, but Dusty then asks when was it that Shawn was the figurehead and won all his titles? Shawn embarrassingly says 96-98. Triple H points out though that they had a huge comeback right after Wrestlemania XIV, and Dusty then asks Shawn when he had his injury that put him out of action. Shawn gets all pissed, and storms off. Trips then asks Dusty who's idea it was to take a no talent hack like Marc Mero and dress him up like Little Richard. Dusty proudly proclaims it was him. Tremendous.

WWE United States Championship Fatal Four Way Match: Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston (c)
Miz bails to the floor immediately after the bell rings. Swagger hits a slam on Kofi, but gets dropkicked to the floor by Carlito who goes for the cover. Miz makes the save, and dumps Carlito to the floor before pounding Kofi to the mat. Miz hits the ropes and stops a backdrop attempt with a kick. Carlito comes back in and charges at Kofi, but he leapfrogs him and Miz dropkicks him to the floor. Kofi then clotheslines Miz to the floor, and hits a pescado onto all three guys on the floor as we head to break.

Back from commercial with Swagger and Kofi inside. Swagger locks in a modified half crab, but Miz sneaks in with a kneelift and neckbreaker to break it up. He sends Carlito back to the floor, and goes for the cover, but Kofi is there to make the tag. Miz whips Kofi into the corner, but as he charges he gets a springboard dropkick from Carlito for two. Kofi makes the save, but Carlito ends up pounding on both guys. Miz whips Carlito into the boot of Kofi who then heads to the top and takes both guys out. Swagger makes the save on the cover at two, and then hits corner clotheslines on both Carlito and Miz. Vader Bomb to Carlito connects for two, and another attempted Vader Bomb on Miz catches the knees. Kofi dropkicks Miz to the floor, and then he slams Carlito onto Swagger. Double legdrop connects to both guys, but Miz is in to make the save. Miz dumps Kofi to the floor, and hits a corner clothesline on Carlito. Swagger goes for the gutwrench on Carlito, but Miz breaks it up and delivers the skull crushing finale on Swagger. Miz's cover is broken up by Carlito who hits the backstabber on Miz. Kofi slides in to deliver trouble in paradise to Carlito as he goes for the cover, and that allows Kofi to pick up the pin at 8:28. Absolutely frenetic pace these guys put on in a tremendous exhibition for the midcard. Good stuff.
Winner: STILL WWE United States Champion-Kofi Kingston (Pins Carlito-Trouble in Paradise ***)

WWE Diva's Championship: Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James (c)
They wouldn't have Mickie drop the strap on her birthday would they? Mickie goes for a quick rollup for one, and then grabs a side headlock. Tornado DDT attempt is countered by Beth who rams Mickie into the corner, and then puts the boots to her. Beth delivers a baseball slide sending Mickie crashing into the ring post, and then after the ref checks on an injury Beth hits a running shoulderblock. Shoulderbreaker from Beth connects for two, and she follows up by dropping a knee on the injured shoulder. Mickie forearms her way out of an armbar, and then delivers a series of kicks. Back elbow connects from Mickie as she continues to sell the shoulder like a champ. Pair of low dropkicks connects by Mickie, but Beth is back sending Mickie to the corner. Mickie comes back with a hurracanrana, and then heads to the top rope. Beth catches her up there and sends her crashing to the floor. Beth goes out after her, and fires her into the barricade. Back inside Beth covers for two, and delivers a running kick to the ribs. Mickie counters a tilt a whirl backbreaker into a DDT out of nowhere which picks up the win at 4:47. Now that's a good diva match. Mickie could give lessons to a lot of the men on the art of selling with this performance.
Winner: STLL WWE Diva's Champion-Mickie James (Pinfall-DDT **1/2)

-More fun with DX and Dusty, as Shawn tries to smooth things over. Dusty goes over all the good things WCW did, but HHH notices that WCW's greatest moment isn't in the DVD...THE SHOCKMASTER! HHH hilariously goes over the entire Shockmaster incident as Dusty seems to get a bit uneasy. We start to hear Shockmaster voices, and they turn to see a re-enactment of the entire Shockmaster moment. The guy goes crashing through the wall, as HHH and Shawn try to figure out where the voice is coming from. They look over to see ARN ANDERSON doing the voices, and he scurries off when camera's catch him. Shawn and Hunter both agree the whole thing sucked and walk off, as Dusty looks at the guy in the costume and screams "IT SHOULD HAVE WORKED!" The Shockmaster takes his helmet off to reveal Santino who informs him he agrees as he loved the Shockmaster. That my friends might have been the single greatest segment in Raw history.

Randy Orton (c) vs. Cody Rhodes – WWE Title

Dusty Rhodes is on the outside in Cody's corner for this match. Before the match even begins, Dusty gets on the microphone and apologizes to Cena. He says like he mentioned earlier – there is nothing a father wouldn't do for his son. With that said, Orton and Rhodes attack Cena. DiBiase runs down to join in on the fun. They continue the beat down until D-X's music hits. HBK and HHH come out and clean house. They looked to have finished things up until Dusty comes in and whacks HHH with his boot. Orton and Legacy come back in the ring and beat down D-X and Cena some more. Loud "Cena, Cena" chant from the crowd. Orton, Legacy and Dusty join hands and raise their arms up in victory. The crowd boo's. Orton turns around and RKOs Dusty out of nowhere. "I don't think that was part of the plan" says Lawler as Rhodes looks insanely pissed. Orton does the slow stare to Rhodes. The show ends on that note.

Winner: No Contest