WWE RAW Results (11/2) - Ozzy Osborne, Cena Vs. Jerishow & More!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, November 2nd, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The DCU Center in Worcester, Mass
Results by 411 Mania

"Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event?"

-Live from the DCU Center in Worcester, MA

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Sharon and Ozzy kick off the show in the ring with Ozzy sitting in a throne in the ring. Sharon says this isn't the first time Ozzy has been in a WWE ring, and we see clips of Ozzy at Wrestlemania 2 and also in a live performance on Smackdown in 2007. Sharon asks him if he remembers, and he says he absolutely does not. Miz interrupts right away, and mocks Sharon asking if its "really" going to be a crazy night. He says he plans on having a good time tonight seeing as he is a bigger star than the entire Osborne family combined. Miz says last week he was robbed in his match with Evan Bourne, and he asks that they strike it from the record. He wants the decision overturned, but Ozzy wants to know who bloody hell he is. He says he's the US Champion, and he's awesome, but he's then interrupted by Rhodes and Dibiase. Rhodes asks if Miz wants to really complain about losing by count out, and says they have a real problem. He says they bought Orton a special gift, but Dibiase corrects him saying he paid for most it. He says it was destroyed by Kofi Kingston, and Rhodes asks for a handicap match with Kofi tonight. Miz tells them to wait their turn as Ozzy and Sharon are going to deal with him first. That brings out Big Show, and he tells them not to listen to these whiners and complainers. He says last week on Raw he was betrayed and assaulted by the entire roster, and he demands an apology. Ozzy says he's so sorry, but Show says he doesn't want an apology from him. He asks the Osborne's to make the Raw roster to come out and apologize, and if not they're going to get a fist. Ozzy screams at him to shut up, and now DX comes out. Triple H apologizes for the interruption, but before this got out of control with the four ratings killer he thought he'd come out and make the save. He says the Osborne's have a lot in common with DX. He shills Ozzy's book, and uses that as a reason to shill their own book as well. Miz says this isn't a chance for a shameless plug, and says this is serious. DX says they're going to take control of things Wizard of Oz or should he say Blizzard of Oz style. Everyone is going to get what they want. HHH whispers in Ozzy's ear, and Ozzy says tonight Miz will face Evan "Braun" for the US Title. HBK tells Legacy he's going to help them out. He whispers in Sharon's ear, and now she books a match between "Kobe" Kingston and Randy Orton. HHH tells "Benedict Fat Guy" that they didn't forget about him, but Show changes his mind and says maybe he should get a triple threat match. He whispers in Ozzy's ear, and Ozzy books a match between John Cena, Chris Jericho, and Big Show. Show complains that's not what he said, but Sharon tells him the decision is final and if he's not down with that she's got two words for them. I'm just hoping a match is booked at some point between Kobe Kingston and Kofi Johnston.

WWE United States Championship: The Miz ? vs. Evan Bourne
Miz attacks Bourne right at the outset with a boot to the head, and a knee to the throat. Bourne comes back countering a hiptoss with a hurracanrana, and then a spinning heel kick sending Miz to the floor. Bourne catapults over the top with a knee to the face of Miz, before throwing him back inside for a two count. Miz comes right back with a knee to the gut to regain control, and then drops Bourne across the top rope. Bourne delivers a kick to the ribs, and locks in a seated abdominal stretch. Miz tries to turn it into a pumphandle slam, but Bourne reverses coming down on top for two. Miz fights back with a suplex attempt, but it is countered by a knee from Bourne. Bourne hits a running kneelift, and then delivers a spin kick to the back of the head from the second rope for two. Miz comes back with a jawbreaker, but charges into a boot from Bourne in the corner. Bourne goes for the Air Bourne, but Miz moves and Bourne lands on his feet. Miz runs Bourne into the buckle, and hits the skull crushing finale to pick up the win at 4:14. Very good match for the short time it got. There was a fleeting moment when I thought Bourne might actually pull it off.
Winner: STILL WWE United States Champion-The Miz (Pinfall-Skull Crushing Finale **1/2)

-Josh Mathews catches up with Sheamus who says as far as he is concerned Ozzy Osborne's career should have been over a long time ago, and after tonight when he's through Jamie Noble's career will be.

Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble
Here we go. One of the most anticipated rematches since Hogan and Andre faced off in Indianapolis. Its Bourne-Sheamus II. Sheamus attacks early and rams Noble into the buckle before dropping a series of knees on his head sending him to the floor. Sheamus chases him outside and rams him into the ringpost before chucking him back inside. Sheamus delivers a clothesline to the back of the head, and continues the assault with a series of boots to the head. Sheamus drives a pair of elbows to the forehead, and then hits a knee lift. Sheamus delivers a Rock Bottom into a backbreaker, and then hits a running big boot which gets two as Sheamus picks up Jamie at two. Sheamus pounds Jamie down in the corner, and the ref pulls him off an calls for the stoppage at 2:26. Now THAT is how you do a squash. Sheamus continues the assault delivering a big boot sending Noble crashing all the way to the floor, and then delivers a powerbomb on the floor as referees pull him off and Noble does the stretcher job. Appears to be a slight change in direction for Sheamus who now be getting a Sid Vicious circa 1989 type gimmick.
Winner: Sheamus (Ref Stoppage ?*)

-Recap of the Kofi-Orton angle from last Monday

-Josh Mathews talks to Kofi Kingston, and asks if he has any regrets. Kofi says Orton lost his title at Bragging Rights, and any chance he has of getting it backs. He says Orton is like a classic bully who wants to blame someone else for his problems. He says he won't be bullied. He says he destroyed all of the car, but he didn't touch the mirror because it's the one thing Randy needs to use the most. He says he left the mirror so Randy could see exactly why is no longer Champion, and follows up with saying he doesn't regret a thing.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Orton walks to the ring like he downed a pair of Five Hour Energy's before the match. By Orton standards that was an Ultimate Warrior like entrance. Orton smacks Kofi, but Kofi answers and that leads right into a brawl. Orton takes control throwing Kofi to the corner, and stomping him to the mat. Orton delivers a right hand, but Kofi ducks a second and delivers a standing dropkick. Kofi clotheslines Orton over the top to the floor and then heads outside after him firing Orton back inside. Legacy comes out to their aid, but Kofi throws Orton outside on top of them. Kofi then hits a suicide dive taking out all three on the floor, and heads back inside. Ozzy shows up on the titantron, and says he knew this was going to happen so this is now a six man tag. He then introduces Kofi's partners?MVP and Mark Henry. New Nation? They head to the ring as we head to break.

Randy Orton & The Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter
Back from break with Dibiase in control of a side headlock on Kofi. Kofi comes free and hiptosses Dibiase and then sends Orton and Rhodes to the floor. Tag to MVP who comes in and he delivers the ballin' elbow as Kofi hits the boom drop. That gets a two count so MVP tags in Mark Henry who is in with a headbutt for Dibiase. Dibiase ducks a clothesline, and then delivers a low dropkick allowing him to tag in Cody. They try to double team, but Henry delivers a double clothesline taking both guys out. Henry whips Cody to the corner, and tags in MVP who charges into a boot from Rhodes. Cody goes for a suplex, but MVP blocks it and goes for one of his own. Rhodes tags in Dibiase who makes the save and hits a Side Russian Legsweep for two. Dibiase puts MVP in the heel corner, and tags in Orton who pounds MVP down in the corner. Tag to Dibiase who delivers an elbow drop, and a boot to the face for two. Cody tags in and drops a knee on the forehead of MVP before locking in half nelson chinlock. MVP comes free, but hits the ropes running into a dropkick from Cody for a two count. Orton tags back in and puts the boots to the lower back of MVP. He picks up MVP to deliver a standing dropkick for two. MVP tries to fight back, but Orton hits a drop toehold. Orton goes for a running kneedrop which connects for a two count. Orton grabs a chinlock, but MVP elbows free. MVP delivers a clothesline, and goes for the hot tag but Orton stops it by knocking Kofi from the apron and tagging in Ted. Dibiase runs into a throw from MVP who finally makes the hot tag to Mark Henry. Henry comes in with a headbutt to Rhodes who is also now legal, and follows with an avalanche. Henry goes for the Worlds Strongest Slam, but Orton makes the save. Orton goes for an RKO, but Kofi is in with a dropkick sending him to the floor. Henry comes back to hit the Worlds Strongest Slam which finishes at 11:47 (including the singles match). This was great booking. Some might complain about the bait and switch, but what they did was make Kofi seem like a very legit threat to Orton without actually having them do much in the ring. Now it's a match you'd pay to see. Well done.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Montel Vontavious Porter (Henry pins Rhodes-Worlds Strongest Slam **3/4)

-Jerry Lawler is in the ring with Ozzy and Sharon as they host "Raw's Got Talent." Oh lord, this will either be awesome or terrible. There's no real middle ground. Lawler brings out the third judge for the show The Great Khali which means we're already off to a good start for this segment. Khali blabs some jibberish which Lawler translates as having a huge crush on Kelly Osborne. Sharon says she'd love to have him as a son in law. Our first contestant to sing the classic Ozzy tune Bark at the Moon is Santino Marella. Santino comes out dressed as Santino who says he's not going to sing because he's not a dog, but says Ozzy and Harriet is big in Italy. He's going to bite the head off a bat?batman in fact. It's a toy Batman, and Santino does bite it off and gets buzzed off the stage. Chris Masters is out next, and he flexes his pecs to the tune of Crazy Train. Sharon liked it, and Khali found it oddly mesmorizing. Ozzy wants him to get a bra. Next up is Jillian and Chavo for a duet. Jillian is a huge Ozzy fan, and when she heard Chavo was singing she insisted on it being a duet. They sing the Ozzy/Lita Ford song "If I Close my Eyes Forever." They of course butcher it, and Ozzy wants to rename the song "If I Close my Ears Forever." Jillian takes exception to that, and tells Sharon she's always been jealous of Lita Ford. She then sings Brittany on the way to the ring as she's going to tell it to Sharon's face, but she gets a smack from Sharon. Chavo tells Ozzy to control his wife, and Ozzy tells him that he can do that because Ozzy can't. Chavo gets up in Sharon's grill, and Khali stands up for her giving her a brain chop. That leads to the obligatory Hornswoggle run in, and Tadpole splash to Chavo. This time however Swoggle is dressed up as Jack Osborne. Just in case you couldn't tell based on the description this would fall into the "terrible" category.

-British Boxer Ricky Hatton who just woke up from getting knocked out by Manny Pacquio will host Raw next week from England.

Six Diva Number One Contender's Battle Royal Participants-Alicia Fox, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, and Eve Torres
You guessed it?BIG BRAWL TO START. A Bella faces off with Gail while the other one ends up with Eve. Kelly is left to do battle with Alicia. Gail hits a neckbreaker on a Bella as Melina watches on from the back. Gail is first to be dumped by Kelly on accident when she tried to save her from a Bella. Jack Swagger randomly wanders out to get a closer look as Eve eliminates both Bellas. Swagger seems pleased with that, and Eve catches his eye only to get dumped from behind by Alicia. That leaves Kelly and Alicia. Kelly goes for a handspring elbow in the corner, but gets caught in a waistlock by Fox who throws Kelly out to win at 2:43. Battle Royals suck. Divas wrestling sucks. Therefore this match sucked.
Winner: Alicia Fox (Last Eliminates Kelly DUD)

-Recap of everything Jamie getting killed, and all of the Osborne shenanigans from tonight.

-Recap of Rey and Batista from Smackdown. BREAKING NEWS?Dave Batista is about a billion times better heel than babyface.

-Chris Jericho stops by to talk to the Osbornes. Jericho says they are making a mockery of Raw just like all the other guest hosts, and says one of the reasons he's the best in the world at what he does is Ozzy. He talks about what a big fan of Ozzy he is, and talks about what a influence he was on him. He then realized that he didn't need to pander to the fans, and now says that he's better than both of them. He leaves but Ozzy then asks Sharon who the hell that was. That might have been a shoot comment.

-DX talks to Hornswoggle, and has him hung up on the wall. HHH says they've discussed this with their legal team, and they understand what this means. They need at least two weeks where he doesn't interfere with their intellectual property. Shawn says if they imitate them again he's in big trouble, but here's Cena to take him down. Cena says you can never hang a leprachan on a hook, and says his Uncle hung a Leprachan on a hook once. Cena says its Hornswoggle's idea that they are all fighting each other, but Shawn questions Swoggle's ability to know or care that he was responsible. HHH says he's not sweating the Triple Threat match because a few weeks ago he beat Cena, and HBK reminds Cena that they're going to England where he beat Cena too. Cena says he's beat both of them too, and they've all took turns beating each other. That leads to an awkward pause, and the Bellas walk away disgusted. Cena says that didn't come out right. Shawn says he took physics without taking algebra. He says DX has a mathematical probability of leaving with the title. Cena says anything can happen in a triple threat match, and they could end up beating up on each other. He says they always say they got two words, but he's got four for them. The Champ is Here! Cena leaves, and Shawn yells that people need to get their own material. He's tired of everyone stealing their stuff. This was hysterical.

John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

As DX takes a seat at ringside, the WWE Champion John Cena makes his way to the ring for tonight's Triple Threat main event. Out next is one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho followed by his partner Big Show. As Show finishes his entrance, we go to commercial.

Back from the break and Show is working Cena over on the floor. Cena counters him and goes back in the ring against Jericho. Cena with a suplex on Jericho and a 2 count. Show trips Cena as he runs the ropes and pulls him out to the floor. Show works Cena over and tosses him into the fan barrier. Show throws him in the ring and Jericho gets a 2 count on him. Jericho and Show exchange words before beating down Cena some more. Show with a big suplex on Cena.

Cena fights back on Show and Jericho but gets knocked out of the air by Big Show. Jericho with right hands on Cena. Jericho holds Cena while Show hits him with a big chop. Show and Jericho continue to dominate Cena. Jericho with a backdrop on Cena. "Vintage DX" on commentary tonight. They launch Cena into the opposite corner and he goes down.

Show charges Cena in the corner but he moves out of the way. Cena hip tosses Jericho and hits the running bulldog. Show comes back and spears Cena. Jericho hits the Lionsault and goes for a pin but Show breaks the pin. Show and Jericho have words. Jericho shoves him and slaps him. Show tosses Jericho over the top rope and goes for a knockout punch on Cena. Cena ducks it and fights back. Show goes for a chokeslam but Cena slides out of it. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but Show falls on top of him. Show climbs to the second rope for the Vader Bomb. Cena rolls out of the way. Show runs into a boot of Cena in the corner, and another. Cena knocks Show through the ropes with a shoulder. Jericho comes in and Cena hits his usual set of moves. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Jericho and goes for an Attitude Adjustment. As he picks Jericho up, Show is on the apron and hits Cena with the knockout punch. Jericho takes advantage and gets the pinfall and the win.

Winner: Chris Jericho

After the match, Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho while Show applies the clutch at the same time. DX rush the ring but Show takes HBK out with the knockout punch. Triple H tries to fight back but Jericho drops him with the Codebreaker. Big Show and Jericho celebrate in the ring while DX and Cena are laid out. We go to replays. RAW goes off the air with the Tag Team Champions on the ramp as DX and Cena try to recover in the ring.