WWE RAW Results (12/14) - The 2009 Slammy Awards!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, December 14th, 2009 (USA Network)
Location: The American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, Texas
Results by 411 Mania

"Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event?"

-Live from the American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, TX

-Hosted by Michael Cole, Jerry "The King" Lawler, & Matt Striker

-Dennis Miller starts the show out at the podium with a monologue, complete with fake laughter from Cole and Lawler. This goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. Finally after about fours he brings R-Truth and Jillian Hall out to present the first Slammy Award. After the obligatory singing joke we get to the first award.

Tag Team of the Year
Nominees
D-GENERATION X
THE LEGACY
THE HART DYNASTY
CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW
Winners: Chris Jericho & The Big Show

-Jericho asks if we were expecting someone else, and says he could come out here and feign surprise but that would be ridiculous. He says he and Big Show were the best tag team of this year, and any other year. He wants to thank two different people. The first being the long forgotten Edge for being cowardly enough to get hurt, and then he thanks himself for being smart enough to pick Show as his partner. Show says make no mistake despite what happened last night they will retain?err?regain their Tag Team Titles soon. Jericho says that statement is prophetic as he is invoking his rematch clause, and they're doing so tonight.

William Regal, Vladimir Kozlov, & Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian, Kane, & The Great Khali
Well it's random, but it works. Khali starts out with Kozlov, and his grappling attempts are shrugged off by Khali who puts down Vlad with a big boot. Kozlov tags in Zeke who runs into a back elbow from Khali, and tag is made to Christian. He delivers a crossbody off the top for two, but Jackson is right back with a backbreaker to gain control. Jackson fires Christian into the heel corner, and tags in Regal who sets Christian up on the second rope. Christian fights him off, and flies off the top with an elbow before tagging out to Kane. Kane hits the sidewalk slam on Regal, and heads to the top rope delivering a flying clothesline. Kozlov breaks up the count at three, and Regal tags out to Jackson. Zeke delivers a clothesline, but Kozlov tags himself into the match. Kozlov charges at Kane, but runs into a big boot. Kane tags out to Khali who finishes Kozlov quickly with the brain chop at 2:28. Really not much point to this one other than to put Regal's team troubles on display.
Winners: Christian, Kane, & The Great Khali (Khali pins Kozlov-Brain Chop *)

-ECW General Manager Tiffany & Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long are out next to present the award for Breakout Star of the Year.

Breakout Star of the Year
Nominees
DREW McINTYRE
SHEAMUS
YOSHI TATSU
ABRAHAM WASHINGTON
Winner: Sheamus

-Obvious winner, but fitting after last night's stunner. Not sure the spinner belt has looked more out of place. Sheamus says he supposes the fans take him seriously now, and asks if Cena still thinks he is a footnote in WWE history. He lists Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, Curt Hennig, and Paul Orndorff as WWE Hall of Famers who were never able to do what he did last night. He says that not only makes him Breakout Star of the Year, but WWE Champion. Sorry, but I'm not buying this at all.

-We take a special look at the nominees for Superstar of the Year which will be decided in a tournament tonight. CM Punk, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena are your nominees.

Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi has his shoulder taped up selling the injuries from the punt he blocked last night. Kofi grabs a side headlock, and follows with a dropkick. Flying clothesline connects for Kofi, and that sets up the boom drop. Ted Dibiase runs into make the save drawing the DQ at just :58, and Evan Bourne is out to run them off. Dennis Miller then announces that he is giving him a special Slammy for best announcement made by a guest host as he makes this a tag match. He even tells Jeremy Piven and Al Sharpton to "suck it" before ordering the ref to ring the bell.

The Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne
Bourne and Kofi take out Legacy with double suicide dives, and with that we head to break. We're back with Legacy in control. Dibiase locks Kofi into a modified half nelson, and then tags out to Cody who delivers a double axe handle to the injured shoulder. Dibiase tags back in and drops an elbow off the second rope on the shoulder before a kick to the ribs picks up two. Rhodes tags back as they continue to work over the injury with a series of kneedrops. Dibiase goes to the half nelson again, but Kofi armdrags his way out and makes the hot tag to Bourne. Rhodes tags in and gets a hurracanrana for Bourne, and he follows with his jumping knees for two. Dibiase makes the save, and then knocks Kofi to the floor. Bourne fires Dibiase outside with Kofi, but gets caught by Cody coming off the ropes who finishes with the Cross Rhodes at 7:15. I really, really, hope this doesn't mean Kofi is sliding back down the card. This was pretty fast paced, but not enough was shown to be worthwhile.
Winners: The Legacy (Rhodes pins Bourne-Cross Rhodes **)

-Dennis Miller brings out the odd couple of Vickie Guerrero and Santino Marella to present the next award. Vickie gets some cheap heat with the excuse me's, and it works as good as any. She says there have been all sorts of shocking moments including her returning, and Santino works in some fat jokes.

Shocker of the Year
Nominees
ORTON DDT'S STEPHANIE
BATISTA'S HEEL TURN
PUNK RETIRES HARDY
SHEAMUS PUTS CUBAN THROUGH A TABLE
Winner: CM Punk retires Jeff Hardy

-A happy Punk comes out and screams he's the greatest of all time, but we're robbed of his acceptance speech as his Superstar of the Year match is next.

Superstar of the Year Semi-Final: CM Punk vs. John Cena
Punk is in the ring, and says there is a list of people he wanted to thank, but the people from Corpus Christi wouldn't be thoughtful enough to stay quiet long enough. He does thank himself, and runs down his accomplishments before going into his default straight edge promo. He says tonight he will become the first ever Straight Edge Superstar of the Year. Cena grabs a side headlock at the bell, and hits the ropes delivering a shoulderblock. Cena hits the ropes again, but runs into a spinning heel kick from Punk which gets two. Punk whips Cena to the corner, and hits a running knee. Running bulldog for Punk gets two, and he locks in an armbar. Cena powers out, but hits the ropes and gets caught in a GTS attempt. Cena counters into the STF, and Punk taps at 1:41. I'm not sure if anyone is reading this, because the internet may have just ceased to exist. Not much I can say that you guys won't in the comments section. Have at it, because in this case it's all justified.
Winner: John Cena (Submission-STF *)

-Afterward Cena congratulates Sheamus for winning the title, and wants to apologize to anyone he let down last night. He says sometimes you can try too hard at something and be so prepared, and still fail. He says every time you fail its painful, and it causes sadness. Especially as he saw last night it causes disappointment. He says a man's character is not judged by how he celebrates victory, but what he does when his back is against the wall. He says there are some who were so offended by his actions last night that they might have lost faith in him, and he points out a "WE HATE CENA" guy in the front row and says he respects his decision to do so. He says he's not talking to them, but instead he's talking to those who are still in his corner. He says if you haven't given up on him, then he won't give up on you. He says WWE Universe is his everything, and he says what happened at TLC will never happen again. He says it is time to set the record straight, and his road to Wrestlemania starts now. He won't be stopped, and he can't be stopped. He says if you want a headline for WWE.com it's that he will not lose another match until he once again is WWE Champion.

-Dennis Miller joins an illustrious list of Guest Host's botches by introducing "The Show" Triple H to present match of the year. Triple H continues to show how awesome he is by thanking Dennis Milburn for that great introduction.

Match of the Year
Nominees
WRESTLEMANIA: SHAWN MICHAELS VS. THE UNDERTAKER
BREAKING POINT: JOHN CENA VS. RANDY ORTON
EXTREME RULES: JEFF HARDY VS. EDGE
BRAGGING RIGHTS: TEAM RAW VS. TEAM SMACKDOWN
Winner: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker

-Obvious choice of course. Shawn comes out to accept, and Trips says if you haven't seen this match you need to see it. Triple H says he can vouch for how good it was, because he had to follow it and didn't stand a chance. Shawn says he's won the award the last two years, and despite the fact that he wasn't able to beat Taker that night he's proud of what they accomplished in Houston that night. Shawn goes to leave, but he comes back to the podium to say "Undertaker, I can beat you. I know it, and you know it. So right here tonight I'm laying out the challenge. You and I, Wrestlemania, One. More. Time." As someone who is already in possession of two tickets to Wrestlemania I approve of this.

Superstar of the Year Semi-Final: The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton
Only 3:19 on the intros. That's an upset. Taker hits a shoulderblock early, and goes for old school right off the bat. Orton counters by throwing Taker off the top rope, and goes to work with the stomps. Taker is back up and they exchange blows with Taker getting the better end of it. Taker hits the snake eyes, and delivers a running big boot. Taker hits a legdrop for two, and goes for the chokeslam but Orton kicks his way free and clotheslines Taker over the top to the floor. Taker pulls Orton outside and delivers a few blows before putting him on the apron and dropping a leg across the throat. Legacy comes out to get a closer look, but Taker walks them back up the aisle. The distraction allows Orton to hit an RKO on the floor. Orton slides back inside before the ten count, and picks up the lamest count out win ever at 3:17. After the match Legacy throws Taker inside, but their attempted beatdown fails miserably as they are quickly dispatched by the Deadman. Orton tries to attack from behind, but he gets met with a chokeslam. If you're scoring at home the intros were two seconds longer than the match. This means we get the match we've waited WEEKS for. Orton vs. Cena.
Winner: Randy Orton (Count Out *)

-Dennis Miller brings out Vince McMahon to present the award for Guest Host of the Year. He says some months ago he had a vision to have guest hosts on Raw, and some have been better than others. That's an understatement.

Guest Host of the Year
Nominees
BOB BARKER
SETH GREEN
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
THE OSBOURNES
Winner: Bob Barker

-Bob Barker joins us for a pre-taped message. Generic message from Bob, and he says "Go For It" at the end. Vince says since Dennis Miller if he had any ideas for a guest host. Dennis Miller suggests Bret "Hitman" Hart, and Vince says the last time Bret was here it didn't go so well. Miller asks the fans if they want Bret, and they of course answer in the affirmative. Vince just storms off. Interesting.

-Chris Jericho joins Dennis Miller in his green room, and sucks up to him. Miller sees right through it, and says Jericho sucks the vibe out of the show with his agenda. He says the match is still on tonight though because he wants Jericho's agenda put in its place. That place is anywhere but Monday Night Raw. Jericho promises to prove Miller wrong.

Unified Tag Team Championship: D-Generation X ? vs. Chris Jericho & The Big Show
Jericho starts the match off with Trips who calls the referee over to him. Shawn comes in the ring and HHH pushes the referee down causing the DQ at :28. Shawn grabs the mic, and they mock the whole thing yelling at HHH for costing them the match and the winners share of the purse. Shawn complains that there goes Christmas, and HHH then says that was the only rematch that Jericho gets. Shawn says I guess that means Jericho is now trespassing since he can't be on Raw. HHH thinks if only there were a group of Superstars who hate Jericho as much as they do to show him out. Out comes all of the faces dressed as DX arm members, and after a Sweet Chin Music from Shawn the DX army shows him to the back. Bait and switch aside this was (pardon the pun) vintage DX, and was very funny. Jericho sells the whole thing beautifully screaming "I WANT TO STAY" as he's being forced to the back. My only question is?where the hell did Big Show go?
Winners: Chris Jericho & The Big Show (Disqualification-DX Shenanigans/DX Retains Titles N/R)

-Carlito, Eve Torres, and Chris Masters are out to present the next award. Masters takes off his blazer, and as Carlito introduces the award Masters rhythmically flexes his pecs. Funny bit as Carlito asks him to stop, and then says he can do it to. He asks Eve if she can, and he informs him he'll never find out.

Extreme Moment of the Year
Nominees
KOFI KINGSTON BOOM DROP ON ORTON
BIG SHOW THROWS CENA THROUGH THE SPOTLIGHT
JEFF HARDY'S LADDER DIVE
HHH INVADES ORTON'S HOME
Winner: Jeff Hardy's Summerslam Ladder Dive

-Matt accepts on behalf of his brother, and says he is sure Jeff is at home and thanks everyone for their support. Carlito asks Matt why he's accepting if he didn't win anything, and then attacks Matt with a cheap shot. Carlito gives a funny speech where he thanks God, Team Jacob, and everyone's favorite place Puerto Rico. Finally Masters puts an end to that with a Masterlock, and Matt Hardy is able to get a little revenge. Odd, yet effective segment.

This show is REALLY REALLY REALLY f–king bad. Wow.

The Miz, Zack Ryder, & Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry
These are some random thrown together teams if I've ever seen them. Miz starts out attacking Henry from behind after a distraction from McIntyre, but the control is shortlived as Henry responds with a press slam. Henry tags out to Morrison who heads to the top rope dropping an elbow across the shoulder of his former partner. Morrison hits a standing Shooting Star Press for two, but Miz is back with a right hand before tagging out to McIntyre. Morrison takes down McIntyre with a double leg, and delivers a stomp. McIntyre bails to the corner, and tags in to Ryder who demands a shot at Yoshi. Morrison obliges and the ECW stars go at it. Yoshi delivers a shoulder block, and then hits a spin kick to the side of the head which picks up the win at 2:08. Are any of these matches allowed to go past four minutes tonight?
Winners: John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry (Tatsu pins Ryder-Spin Kick *)

Fourteen Diva Tag Team Match: Mickie James, Melina, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Maria, Brie Bella, & Nikki Bella vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Rosa Mendes, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Maryse, & Alicia Fox
Ugh. Shoot me now. And they're all wearing evening gowns to ensure this will in no way be watchable. Rosa starts with Mickie, and we're treated to some hair pulling and a take down from Rosa. HOLY NIPPLE SLIP Rosa Mendes! WOW, Hot!! Rosa fires Mickie into the corner, but charges into a foot and Mickie hits a hurracanrana. Mickie delivers the DDT, and that gets the win at 1:16. Sure glad that was 7 on 7. Thank God it was short.
Winners: Mickie James, Melina, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Maria, Brie Bella, & Nikki Bella (Mickie pins Rosa-DDT DUD)

-Goldust and MVP are out to announce the winner of diva of the year. Goldust says he's been known as a diva so maybe he should just take the award himself. MVP doesn't think that's a good idea, and Goldust says it was a joke. He says we have MVP on the stage, and PMS in the ring. MVP again doesn't think that was the best idea. Goldust shows himself out, and MVP announces Maria is the winner of diva of the year. Maria gives her traditional screaming "OHMIGAWD YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME" until thankfully Batista Kanye's her acceptance speech. Batista says the real award is screwjob of the year which goes to him last night. He's b—–s and moans about it until security takes him away. That is one of those moments that makes you remember why you watch this show. Kanye Dave ftw!

-Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson are out to present the next award. Abe is disgusted, but Tony thinks it's hilarious. Tony Atlas is absolutely freaking amazing. Abe tries to stay serious as he introduces the award, but Tony won't stop laughing. Atlas is so good he makes a Big Dick Johnson segment funny.

Oh My of the Year
Nominees
CHRIS MASTERS PEC FLEX
SHAWN SUPERKICKS A LITTLE GIRL
MICHAEL COLE VOMITS ON JERICHO
SANTINO'S THANKSGIVING
Winner: Michael Cole Vomits on Jericho

-Cole gives a ridiculous over the top celebration including humping Jerry Lawler, and he says with all due respect to his mentor Jim Ross the era of Slobberknocker is over. It's the era of Vintage and OH MY! Cole isn't bad when he's making fun of himself.

-Yet another hilarious DX commercial. Included in this one, HHH breaks HBK's toy ring, gives him a snuggy to warm up, and shows him video of Shawn getting beat by HHH. Hornswoggle arrives for more shenanigans and Shawn tries to beat him up. Instead it's him that gets caught under the snuggy and beaten down by HHH.

-Johnny Damon of the New York Yankees guest host's next week's Raw.

Superstar of the Year Match: John Cena vs. Randy Orton
We go to the ring where Randy Orton is making his way out to determine the winner of the Slammy for Superstar of the Year. Orton enters the ring as we go to commercial.

Back from the break and Cena comes out to a big pop. The match starts and cena gets an early 2 count. Cena with a body slam and elbow drop for another 2 count. Cena goes for the running bulldog off the ropes but Orton pushes him off and to the floor. Orton works over Cena on the floor. They go back in the ring for a 2 count. Orton stomps away on Cena. Orton with more stomps and right hands.
Cena counters a move and hits the blockbuster. Cena with the leg drop from the top and a close 2 count. Orton catches Cena in the backbreaker for a 2 count. Orton with more right hands on Cena. Cena rolls Orton out of nowhere for a 2 count. Orton with a clothesline and another 2 count. Orton stomps some more on Cena.

Orton misses a knee drop and Cena fights back with a shoulder off the ropes and the big back drop. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but Orton tries an RKO. They go back and forth on counters until Cena hits the AA for a close 2 count as Orton's hand made it to the ropes to break the pin. Orton rolls to the floor. He jumps up and catches Cena's neck on the apron and hits the Orton DDT on the concrete. Both Orton and Cena's heads hit the floor.

Orton brings it back in the ring and gets a 2 count only on Cena. Orton goes for the punt kick but Cena moves out of the way. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment for the pinfall, the win and Slammy for Superstar of the Year.

Winner: John Cena

- After the match, Cena celebrates in the ring. The WWE Champion Sheamus appears at the ramp. He holds the belt up high and taunts Cena with it. Cena gets hype in the ring, wanting Sheamus to come on down. Sheamus taunts Cena with the WWE Title as RAW goes off the air.

-That RAW was f–king bad. Real bad. Wow WWE, just WOW.