WWE RAW Results (3-14) - Rock/Cena/Miz, Trish, Snooki & JR Returns!
The show opens up with The Rock talking on his cell phone on the titan tron. John Cena's music hits, causing Rock to get off his phone. He starts talking to Cena, saying he shouldn't have come to his house. A little boy comes out dressed as and talking like John Cena. This goes back to little Booker T and Goldberg, except it ain't a midget or Gillberg. So it's actually kind of cute. Rock starts talking to "Little Cena". Eventually after the kid starts crying, Rock wants to give him some toilet paper, but doesn't have any so he gives him one of Cena's purple fruity pebbles shirts. He then says he has something for him, and pulls out a box of fruity pebbles with Little Cena getting all excited. The crowd in the arena is watching this, totally enjoying it. The kid leaves and the Rock turns to the camera and then starts going off on The Miz. He said he made a few statements, giving the knocking Cena out, giving the people's elbow, talking trash about his family, and asking for the biggest a** whoopin of a lifetime. He tells both Cena and Miz that the time for talk is over, its time for Wrestlemania. He said he will live up to his promise, he will bring it live on Raw before Wrestlemania. He gives his catch phrase, we smell what he's cookin and we are live in St Louis Missouri with Cole, Lawler, and Matthews.
Snooki is shown backstage being quite friendly with Trish Stratus.
Cole introduces himself as the voice of the WWE and he's in what can only be described as a hockey penalty box. He's at ringside in a booth, which he say's he's using to protect himself from Lawler.
Miz comes out and Cole starts praising the Miz, like usual. There's a replay of the clip from 3 weeks ago when Cena & Miz won, and then lost the tag titles. And then the following week when Cena won the cage match, costing Riley's job as Miz' assistant. Then last week's ambush on John Cena by the Miz, and doing the People's elbow on Cena. Miz, who is still Riley-less, does his "really" shtick with the crowd and talks about everything that The Rock brings. The crowd starts doing a really loud "You suck" chant. He does more trash talking on Rock's family. He says that Rock likes to make 6 year olds cry, and if you step in this ring, he will make him cry like a little girl. He talks about Rock talking about beating up Cena where he has 3 weeks straight, and that he owns John Cena. He tells him to bring it, and that he will be overshadowed by his greatness, to put it briefly, and gets huge heat from the crowd. He does his awesome shtick and it sounds like the crowd is doing with him. His music hits, and before he leaves, the GM chimes in. And Cole gets heat for his spiel. Be Cole actually has to leave his penalty box to get to the laptop, and Lawler actually beats him there since he's closest to it. Lawler tells him that his cage is cleaned out by now. The announcement is that there are 2 first time matches for both Cena & Miz. Cena will face Alberto Del Rio, and Miz is to face The Great Khali and that match is to start... after the break.
The WWE Champion The Miz vs The Great Khali (non title match)
We're back from the break and Miz & Khali are squaring off. Khali gets control first, tosses Miz to the corner, and smacks him in the chest with his huge claws. Miz gets locked in the vise grip on his head, but makes it to the rope. Before it could be broken, Alex Riley comes in, causing the DQ. Khali taunts A Ry, but Miz comes back in and starts assaulting Khali with a chair. He is totally beating the crap out of him, the chair breaks, but Miz keeps going. A moment later, Miz gives Khali a DDT onto the chair, then exits with it like it's a trophy. Khali is now bleeding in his lower back from the beating.
Winner: The Great Khali (By DQ)
Cole then announces he will "expose" Lawler, saying he has a special guest. There is also an announcement for Orton versus Mason Ryan for later tonight, and we got to another break.
We're back from break and Lawler & Matthews goes through a quick run through & rewind of The Undertakers & Triple H's match at Wrestlemania. First we see that montage clip of the destruction caused by H throughout his career. Its also showing bits & pieces of H's promo from Smackdown.
We're backstage with John Morrison and he's chatting it up with Snooki when Vicki & Ziggler show up. Vicki warns Snooki to stay away from Ziggler. Vicki blasts Snooki for being on Rolling Stone, and that she was offered to be on the cover of Playboy. Snooki follows up with that it must have meant to be a "centerfold" because all of that (being Vicki) couldn't fit on one page. Vicki goes to slap Snooki, but Snooki blocks it, then comes back with one of her own. Calls Vicki a b***h and walks away with Morrison. Vicki can only scream in frustration and turn to Ziggler. And we got another break.
Back from break and we have the US Championship vs Career match.
U.S. Champion Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus (U.S. Title vs Career Match. Sheamus wins, he gets the title, if he loses, he has to quit.)
Sheamus is out first, then Bryan with Gail Kim. A lockup and Sheamus gets the first take down. A bounce off the rope followed by a lateral press, and a two count. Sheamus knocks Bryan around in the corner, then tosses him to the opposite, but Bryan goes airborne to flip over him. He tries for the Labell lock, but Sheamus gets to the ropes. Bryan kicks him to the outside, then flies over the top rope to take him down outside. Bryan throws him back in, goes to the top turnbuckle, and delivers an excellent missle dropkick. Then Sheamus rolls outside to recover and we go to break.
We're back and Sheamus has Bryan locked up, after a slam & a clothesline during the break. Bryan fights out, but gets another clothesline as a reward for his effort. Sheamus starts beatin on Bryan at the ropes, followed by a running knee to the head. A run from the ropes, and Bryan counters with a kick to a "bowing" Sheamus. A fast roll up but Bryan only gets a 2 count. Sheamus runs at Bryan, but gets tossed outside and he runs into the broadcast table just like last week, favoring his knee. He gets back in before the 10 count. Sheamus tries for a hard kick, Bryan ducks, and Bryan gets the Labelle lock on Sheamus gets to the ropes. Sheamus tries for the Celtic Cross, but Bryan counters, tries a roll up, but only another 2 count. A short slugfest, then Bryan starts kicking the crap out of Sheamus, tries for another pinfall, but only gets another 2 count. Bryan goes up top to run into a kick to the head. Bryan is knocked out, and pinned for a 3 count and we have a new U.S. Champion, and Sheamus keeps his job.
Winner: Sheamus with a boot to the head. Sheamus celebrates ringside as his losing streak is over.
Cole is standing on his desk within his penalty box, and announces he will start exposing Lawler, next... after the break!
Back from break, and a replay of Austin last week. Cole is in the ring and berates the crowd for liking the footage, and berates Austin for his action, and then starts in on Lawler. The crowd starts the "WHAT?" chant. Cole says that Lawler hates it when people starts talking about his family. Then states that his family will start talking about Lawler, and Cole then announces Lawler's son, Brian Christopher, aka Grand Master Sexay. Brian comes out to his old music and still thinks he can dance, but his hair is completely bleached. Lawler doesn't appear to be too pleased that his son is out in the ring. Brian looks a lot like Dusty Rhodes here, but thinner and only half as old. Cole asks him why he never used his father's last name. Brian says that while he grew up, he never felt like he had a father. With Lawler out touring the world, he was neglected. He says that Jerry never wanted a child. He then exits the ring and approaches King. He must be really old or out of shape. Because he is short of breath this whole time. He then says his father never wanted him to have the spotlight or acknowledge that he was his son. Lawler says he's not the only one that is glad he didn't use his last name, because he's a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen and that he associates himself with Cole, it makes him as big as a jack— that he is. Brian asks him how it feels to know that he competed at WM before his father did, saying he was one of the biggest superstars at one time. He then gets in Lawlers face and even pushes him. Lawler already has his headset off. Brian continues to taunt his father, while Lawler gives him the death glare. Brian says he never used his last name because he's ashamed of him. Cole then goes off on Lawler, saying he never cared about his family, calling him a coward.
The Sooner's music hits and its good ol' JR out to a HUGE POP! JR starts asking Cole hasn't he gone too far, and starts berating him for everything he's done. But Cole holds his own, calling it his show and being the voice of the WWE. But JR fires back while Cole doesn't even want to look at JR during this time. JR says that the WWE universe is the true voice of the WWE and that Lawler has been carrying Cole, like a mother kangaroo carrying its baby in a pouch. He calls him a different type of animal, a varmint, he calls him a rat bastard. Cole is really pushing the heel factor here, as JR is leaving the ring. But JR gets back in the ring, takes off his hat and jacket, and in the words of good ole JR, "Business is about to pick up." Cole takes his jacket off, and the crowd gives a LOUD JR chant here. But before the two can square off, Swagger comes from behind and nails Lawler, and then gets in the ring to taunt JR. Swagger give a kick to JR's gut, and then locks him in the ankle lock while Cole taunts JR. Lawler recovers, gets in the ring to make the save, but Cole jumps on Lawler's back, then Swagger locks King in the ankle lock. Cole then even tries to lock an ankle lock on JR. No other saves here to really push Cole into being a heel. Loved seeing JR out again, and major heat against Cole and Swagger. The crowd was really giving it to them. Another announcement for Cena/Del Rio as well as Orton/Ryan and Matthews takes us to break.
Randy Orton vs Mason Ryan
We're back from break, Cole is back in his penalty box even though Lawler isn't there. Randy Orton is out first to a huge pop in his hometown crowd for his match against Mason Ryan. Remember the stipulation here, if Ryan wins, he can be in Punk's corner during their match at WM, if he loses, he's banned. They show Randy's wife and little girl at ringside. His wife is gorgeous, and his daughter is adorable. Let's hope there is not a huge beating here in front of them. Mason is out next, and Punk comes to the stage. The two lock up and Randy is forced into a corner, but fights out of it and pummels Ryan in the corner. Ryan fights out of it and these two trade blows. Orton gives a clothesline, but then gets a boot from Ryan who takes control from this point, man handling Orton for a while. Yeah, I'll admit it, he looks a bit like Batista. Ryan locks a bear hug on Orton while the crowd gives a "Let's Go Randy" chant. Orton feeds off of it, fights out with a few knocks to the head of Ryan and gets tossed into the corner. Orton fights out, knocks down Ryan, tries for a boot, but Ryan ducks and side slams Orton. He tries for a pin, but gets a 2 count. Orton looks like he's whipped, or playing possum. Sure enough, its an RKO out of nowhere, followed by a 3 count. Punk must go solo at Wrestlemania.
Winner: Randy Orton with an RKO.
Post match: Punk is still on the stage, and he & Orton have a staredown. Orton leaves the ring while Punk is still on the stage, with Orton halfway up the ramp. He stops, looks at Ryan who's still in the ring. Quickly, he runs back to the ring with Punk in pursuit. He punts Ryan in the head, and Punk is on the ring apron. Orton taunts him, but Punk slithers out as the crowd chant's Randy's name. Orton paces the ring like a tiger as Punk watches a stretcher being pulled to the ring.
A replay of Snooki slapping Vicki backstage earlier. Still sweet. They then show the cover of Rolling Stone with Snooki on it. Another promo is shown for the Wrestlemania DVD and we go to break.
During the break, there is a commercial for Tough Enough.
We're back and Drew Carey is announced as the next "celebrity"inductee into the celebrity HOF. Including a clip from his upcoming new improv show with pretty much the Whose Line cast minus Wayne Brady.
Cole starts bragging on his new hold, the ankle lock. He goes on a rant about JR and is interrupted (oscars style) by an announcement for Cena/Del Rio for later.
We're shown Trish coming to the ring being accompanied by Snooki. As they walk, Ryder comes up (I knew he was going to show up) and asks Snooki about his abs. She pokes at it saying "Woo woo woo, it's solid" and walks off. Trish's match is next and we go to break.
We're back and Justin announces Snooki as the guest host of Raw. She comes out to a decent pop from the crowd, but its kind of hard to tell cause of her entrance music. But they're showing a lot of people holding up signs for her. She announces Trish out but sounded like she said "Trish Status." Snooki then goes to sit down at ringside next to Cole's penalty box. Vicki comes out to no music, without Ziggler, and does her "Excuse me" shtick. Then she starts ranting about Snooki slapping her, stealing her spotlight, and being on the cover of Rolling Stone. Vicki shows "the original cover shot" and asks if it looks better, but gets HUGE heat from the crowd. Then she gets interrupted by Trish's music and we have a match.
Trish Stratus vs Vicki Guerrero (Vicki wins, she's hired on Raw, if she loses, she's banned.)
Vicki starts off doing jumping jacks and stretches. Trish tries for a quick roll up from behind but gets only a 1 count. Trish shoves Vicki and she tries to run out of the ring. Trish grabs her foot, pulling her shoe off and runs outside the ring. Trish chases her down, throws her back in the ring. Vicki stands there holding her shoe, laughs maniacally, holds the shoe as if it were a sword, then throws it at Trish who ducks. Vicki then takes off her other shoe, which pulls off her sock (this is getting really stupid) and holds the shoe like a baseball player up to bat. She tries to go after Trish but gets a kick to the gut. Trish then takes the shoe, stands on Vicki's head with one foot, and spanks Vicki with the shoe in the butt. She tries again, but Vicki gets away screaming and Ziggler is in the ring bringing it to a stop. We're at a standstill until Morrions runs off, throws a running Ziggler into the corner and outside, then does this "horizontal twisting flying maneuver that takes out both of them at ringside. LayCool then runs down to the ring and tries to take Trish down. She fights off well at first, but Layla grabs Trish's foot, and Michelle kicks Trish with a boot, and both of them along with Vicki, pins Trish for the 3 count.
Winner: Vicki Guerrero.
Snooki is still at ringside, sitting pretty. Michelle notices her and starts talking trash. Michelle TOWERS over the short jersey girl, but Snooki stands her ground. Michelle pushes her back and goes to get back in the ring. Snooki gets right back up, pulls down Michelle who hits the apron. Then she climbs in the ring, pounces on Layla, and starts beating on Layla "Jersey Style!" Michelle climbs back in, but runs into a recovered Trish. There's a huge catfight going on and Vicki stands in the corner screaming. Vicki and LayCool escape the ring, as Ziggler tries to help. Morrison has also recovered and stands in the ring with Snooki, and Trish. Vicki grabs the mic and tells Snooki that she's in way over her head. She then sets up a tag match ? Trish, Morrison, and Snooki versus LayCool and Ziggler at Wrestlemania, which Snooki accepts. Looks like she's going to "Hot-lanta!" And we go to break.
We're back and with another video for Sin Cara.
Cole is in his box with a guard by the door, and he talks more about HHH/Taker at WM. More talk from HBK, this time about the Undertaker, saying his best asset is the streak.
Alberto Del Rio is introduced to the ring, who arrives in a sleek white Bentley convertable, that could make Sheamus look like he has a sun tan. Brodus Clay is announced next to accompany Alberto to the ring. Cena's music hits to the usual huge pop.
John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio (first match up for these two)
The typical lock up which Del Rio wins, locking Cena in a headlock, and into a takedown. Cena stands up and powers out. Cole announces that The Rock is there in St Louis tonight. A brief run around the ring by these two, followed by a standing drop kick from Cena to Del Rio, which causes him to go outside to recover and we go to another break.
We're back and Del Rio has control in the ring, giving a standing drop kick to Cena, followed by a headlock to wear Cena down. A loud "double chant" for Cena comes from the crowd here ("Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks!") Cena powers out and slams Del Rio to the mat. A 10 count begins, both up at the same time, and then both down with a double clothesline. Another 10 count, both slug each other to their feet. Ooohs and Ahhs from the crowd, a running shoulder block, a slam from vintage Cena, followed by the You Can't See Me 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Cena lifts Alberto for the AA to get broken by Brodus coming in causing the DQ. (I could've sworn I saw Cena shout instructions to Clay here, and I wouldn't be surprised if he actually did.) Clay and Del Rio start beatin on Cena until Rock's music hits and the crowd goes insane!
But it ain't the Rock, it's The Miz dressed like the Rock, with his head completely shaved, and moving & acting like The Rock. He gives Cena a Rock Bottom, while Cole is just loving it. Del Rio, Clay, and Rock/Miz start beating up Cena. Miz is all about spoofing The Rock here and doing a great job. He pulls off a bald cap off his head, it wasn't shaved, and continues to beat down on Cena, running him into the ringpost. He grabs a mic, asks Cena how his mood is to Wrestlemania and cracks him on the head with it, twice. He then suplexes Cena onto the ramp. Cena then fights back for a moment, tries to give Miz an AA, but then Miz clocks him again, follows that up with a SCF on the stage under the Titan Tron, taunting the entire time. Miz goes to throw Cena into the LED screen, but turns and throws him into the WWE logo sign on the stage. And then he gives Cena another SCF into the sign itself. Miz's music hits, Cole closes this out with the replays, and this one is over.