TNA Impact Results With Video: Huge 8-Man Tag, Aces & 8s Funeral And More
Impact opens with a recap of Anderson defeating Aces & 8s, and the funeral for the group which is set for tonight. We also get a preview of Bobby Roode and Jeff Hardy and Magnus and Kurt Angle will face each other in the world title tournament. Roode and Angle will choose their teams for the tag team elimination match tonight.
We go to a funeral parlor, where there is a casket and Aces & 8s signs.
We then go to the main stage, and Tenay welcomes us to Impact Wrestling. They hype the elimination tag match for tonight. Dixie Carter comes out and she thanks everyone. Their is a table in the ring with a black sheet over it and a silver platter on top. Dixie says that things have been going so good for her lately that she has hired herself a chief of staff. She has spent weeks interviewing people, but only one person has had the correct attributes. She welcomes her new chief of staff, and its Rockstar Spud. Spud comes down in a suit and hugs Dixie and kisses her hand.
Spud has the mic and thanks Dixie for the opportunity. Spud says that Dixie has guided him all the way through the British Boot Camp series, and calls her the greatest boss in the world. Spud warns the entire roster, he is watching you. His eyes might as well be Dixie's eyes and his ears Dixie's ears. Spud says that being British he is used to being around royalty, and in the United States, Dixie is his queen.
Dixie thanks him and says she wants to address the world title tournament. She says that they are down to four people, and she spun the wheel of Dixie. Kurt Angle and Magnus will face each other in a Last Man Standing Match, and Jeff Hardy will face Robert Roode in a tables match. Dixie tells some crappy story about how her family takes one of their many companies and splits them in half, and the winning side gets a turkey dinner. Spud takes off the top of the silver platter to reveal a cooked turkey. Dixie says there will be eight matches on the show tonight, and everyone that wins will get a feast fit for a king. The losers will get nothing.
Dixie says that she is out here to introduce someone very special to her, and it is Ethan Carter the III. EC3 comes down the ramp in full wrestling getup. He says that his aunt has given him the opportunity to pick his own opponent. This man is his biggest challenge yet, but he is undefeated, and some would say, unbeatable. Him and Dixie say the "Where the Carters and the world needs us" thing together. EC3's match is next as we go to commercial.
We come back from the break and EC3 is standing in the ring alone. Curry Man's intro plays and he comes out to the ring. He has the mic and he stars speaking in Japanese. EC3 jumps him from behind and bell rings.
Curry Man vs Ethan Carter III
EC3 hits a scoop slam on Curry Man and takes a snapmare take over. EC3 repeatedly throws Curry Man's face into the mat while yelling "I am Rich." EC3 gives the boots to Curry Man, who fights out with some chops, but he runs into a backdrop, and EC3 begins to beat down Curry Man with some fists and locks in rear chin lock. He lets Curry Man go and whips him into the buckle and hits a corner clothesline and hits a backsuplex.
He stalks Curry Man and whips him into the ropes, but Curry Man hits a few shots and a dropkick, He lights EC3 into the corner and hits a flying hip attack. He climbs the turnbuckle, but EC3 cuts him off and arm drags Curry Man off of the top. He hits a short-arm lariat on Curry Man. He hits the 1 percenter and gets the three count.
Winner:Ethan Carter III
EC3 grabs the mic and does his catchphrase while Tenay and Tazz put over his intensity.
We get a recap from last Thursday, with Roode defeating Storm when Gunner threw in the towel for Storm. Angle is in the back talking to Gunner, and he thanks Gunner and Storm for being on his team tonight. Storm comes in and Angle asks if he is okay, and Storm is good to go. He says that if they don't all work together, they don't stand a chance. Gunner says that what he did last week, he only did it because he thought it was right. Storm just says "Yeah" and walks away.
The BroMans are shown backstage talking to Zema Ion. Eric Young and ODB show up and EY has has a turkey suit. The BroMans say they are not wrestling him, but EY says he is not wrestling tonight, but he is the high chancellor of the Turkey Bowl. EY says that tonight the BroMans are wrestling "This Guy" and EY pulls some random stage hand from off-screen into the picture. The BroMans are confused and EY says that they are right, and they need to face a team. He points off-screen again and he says that they are wrestling Nerf and Drew. Dewey and Norv come on screen, and the BroMans agree. Robbie says this is serious business, and when they lose to them, they are wearing Turkey suits. They start to gobble at Norv and Dewey, and EY joins in.
Velvet Sky makes her entrance for a match. Tenay announces that December 19th will be the Final Resolution TV special. Lei'd Tapa comes down to the ring with Gail Kim.
Lei'd Tapa vs Velvet Sky
They lock up and Tapa overpowers Sky. She misses a clothesline and cuts down Tapa with kicks. Tapa picks her up and rushes Sky into the corner. She misses in the corner and Velvet hopes on her back and locks in a sleeper hold. Tapa shakes her off and misses a boot in the corner. Sky hits some kicks in the corner and hits the ropes. Gail Kim grabs Sky's leg, causing Velvet to fall over. The ref comes by and sends Gail Kim to the back. Tapa is complaining to the ref, and she catches Sky with a shoulder knockdown. She beats down Velvet and throws her into the corner and hits a running hip block in the corner. She lifts Velvet up in an elevated choke hold, but Sky fights out.
She hits some kicks and staggers Tapa. Sky hits the ropes but Tapa recovers with a big boot to the face. Tapa picks her up by the throat and hits the fireman's carry jawbreaker and covers Velvet for the three count.
Winner: Lei'd Tapa
The Turkey Bowl is next as we go to commercial.
We come back and we go back to the funeral parlor. A priest comes out and begins a eulogy, while the main event mafia and EY are shown in the pews.
We get a video recap of the history of Turkey Bowls, and they cut to EY and ODB in the ring. They are both holding Turkey Suits. Zema Ion is the official DJ for the BroMans, and he hypes up their entrance. They come out, and Norv and follow. Robbie has the mic and asks if this is a joke. He says Norv looks like a hairless hamster. Jesse has the mic and says that they are standing in the ring with the BroMans, the TNA World Tag Team Champions. They are nothing compared to them, and Zema repeatedly plays this really obnoxious sound effect from his DJ table. Robbie and Jesse both sneak punches in and the bell rings.
Turkey Bowl 2013: The BroMans vs Norv and Dewey
They beat down both men, and hit a Hart Attack and they pin Norv for the three count.
Winner: BroMans
After the match, they force Dewey and Norv to put the suits on. They do so, while Robbie taunts them, repeatedly doing some sort of crazy gobble. They force them to dance, like a Turkey, which they begrudgingly do. Norv actually puts in some serious effort and EY hits the ring and does the dance as well. The BroMans leave the ring and appear to be upset that Norv and Dewey are embracing the Turkey suits. We then go to commercial.
We come back and and see a video of AJ defending the World Title in Japan. Dixie is somehow already in the back yelling at the producers. She says that AJ's world tour is over. She says there are two things AJ did not know about her; 1, that she has a lot of shoes, and 2, she has even more lawyers. She vows to get them to shut him down, and she wants her World Title back. She has one week to return it to her, or something will happen to him.
EGO is in the back with Chris Sabin. Roode puts over all of their talents and Roode says he was seconds away from ending his career. Kaz talks about how much he is ready for turkey dinner. He says that they were drug tested last month, and Joe Park tested positive for gravy. They all laugh, but Roode says tonight is serious, and tonight they prove that Roode is better than Angle.
The funeral for Aces & 8s is next, as we go to ads.
We come back and Spud is yelling at some lady backstage about screwing up Dixie's turkey dinner order. We then see Angle talking to Magnus. He thanks Magnus for agreeing to team up with Kurt, and Magnus says that he has a lot of respect for Angle, and next week they are going to beat the hell out of each other, but tonight, they are going to take care of Roode. Angle agrees and he leaves Magnus.
We get a recap of Anderson defeating Bully last week and ending Aces & 8s.
The priest is shown again, and he gives a eulogy to Aces & 8s. While he is talking we see Angle smiling and Joe eating a pastry. EY is crying, Tenay asks him why but EY is too choked up. The priests asks if anyone has any kind words to speak about Aces, but nobody comes up. The casket begins to rock back in forth and out pops Mr. Anderson with a grin on his face.
Anderson says that he trapped inside this organization for more than a year. He says they were not only responsible for keeping miles off of his harley, but also for many, many, many segments on this show. He really likes to thank Bully's ex-father in law for sending over that deli plate, and he asks if Kurt would like to say anything.
Angle gets to the top, and he says he has a couple friends in the group, D-Lo Brown and Wes Brisco. He talks about how D-Lo used to shake his head that funny way, and he pulls out a D-Lo bobblehead. He wishes them a safe afterlife.
Joe steps up and he is still eating. He says that it is sad to be here. When Aces first showed up, they were just faceless masks. But when some of those masks were pulled off, they displayed some of the most ugly visages ever seen by man. He takes out a six-pack, and says that it is the only substance that makes them palatable to the human eye. He puts it in the casket, but then says he should not waste them and begins to hand them out to the people in the parlor. He teases handing the bottle to Angle, but then Angle waves him off! Joe gets back on the podium, and says "To Aces & 8s, may you ride your mopeds to Valhalla."
Tenay gets up on the podium and says that Tazz will still be at the announcing booth with Tenay, but today, he gets to hang up the stinky cut that Tazz has been wearing for the past 18 months. He lays the vest, along with Brooke's booty shorts to rest at the same time. He puts the vest in the casket, but tucks the shorts into his jacket pocket.
EY is up at the podium, and he says that he is here to shed a tear, for the men who they lost. The men who will never be able to wear this; and he pulls out the Turkey suit. He lays down the Turkey suit in the casket, and begins to sob, saying "I love you Turkey" and Tenay and Joe have to pry him away from the casket as he continues to sob.
Anderson gets back up and says that there is one more thing he needs to take care off. He takes out the hammer, and says that he is going to lay it to rest, and that he is going to keep it, because it is still a perfectly good hammer.
Bully Ray wanders into the parlor with a hoody and sunglasses on. He says that Ken raped him of everything, and for that he will never forgive him. Ken better sleep with one eye open, not only for the best interests of himself, but for his pregnant wife. He says they all look at death as the last sleep, but he looks at it as the final awakening, and he walks away.
We go back to the Impact Zone and the 8-man tag is next.
We come back from commercial and Spud is yelling at the same lady about Thanksgiving dinner. Tenay and Tazz hype the title tournament matches for next week's Impact.
Roode's team comes out first, followed by Angle's team.
Eight Man Elimination Tag: Robert Roode, Chris Sabin, Daniels and Kaz vs Kurt Angle, James Storm, Gunner and Magnus
Angle and Roode start off face-to-face. They trade blows and then do some quick chain wrestling. Kaz comes in and quickly gets arm-dragged by Angle. Daniels tries to interfere, but Angles take them both out with a double clothesline. He tags in Magnus who whips Kaz into the buckle, but eats a big boot. Kaz goes for a cross-body, but Magnus catches him and hits a suplex. He tags in Storm who punches Kaz, but Kaz tags in Daniels.
Daniels comes in and gets tagged by Storm and Gunner. Gunner comes in and they hit a go-behind, russian leg sweep combo. Kaz distracts Gunner, and Daniels tosses him to the outside. Kaz and Sabin double-team him on the outside and throw him back in the ring. Daniels tags in Sabin, and they hit a double-elbow to Gunner. Sabin covers for a one count, and beats down Gunner. He chokes him using the ropes and tags in Daniels. Daniels continues the beat down and Kaz comes in. Gunner catches Daniels with an elbow and hits a powerslam on Kaz. Gunner makes the tag to storm and Sabin comes in as well.
Storm hits a flying forearm, inverted atomic drop and a clothesline combo. Daniels comes in and Storm whips him into the corner. Daniels backdrops him over the ropes, but Storm lands on the apron and hits an enzughiri to Daniels. Storm hits the backstabber on Daniels and then a front-double stabber on Sabin. Storm fires uo the crowd and signals for the super kick. Kaz runs and Storm ducks the clothesline and hits Kaz with the Superkick. Sabin gets a schoolboy roll-up on Storm and eliminates him.
Chris Sabin eliminates James Storm
Magnus comes in and hits a clothesline on Sabin. Sabin takes in Daniels, and Mangus lights him up. Daniels catches him with a boot and brings him into the corner. He tags in Kaz and they hit a double-team leg drop for a two count. Daniels comes back in and hits a neckbreaker. He hits a series of elbows, but Magnus fights out and hits a big spinebuster. He tags in Gunner and Daniels tags in Kaz. Gunner goes to work on Kaz and hits an uranage slam and then gets him up in the torture rack. Daniels comes in and breaks it up, then Kaz sweeps Gunners leg while Daniels comes in with a flying clothesline, as Sabin distracts the ref. Kaz covers Gunner and gets the 3 count.
Kaz eliminates Gunner
Magnus comes in and hits a few uppercuts on Kaz. Magnus stalks Kaz, but Kaz slips behind them and dumps him into his corner. He tags in Daniels, who runs across the ring and knocks Angle off of the apron. Magnus and Daniels trade punches and Magnus ends up dumping Daniels on the outside. Magnus jumps off the apron and takes out Daniels with a flying clothesline. Magnus grabs his knee and the ref attends to him. The ref singals for trainers to come back and they are looking at Magnus, as we cut to ads.
We come back and Magnus has been taken to the back, presumably eliminating him from the match.
Magnus eliminated due to injury
All men are in the ring just beating down Angle. Angle is the victim of several quick tags and beat downs. Angle rolls up Daniels, but the ref is distracted by the rest of Roode's team. Kaz and Daniels take him down, and Roode demands to be tagged in because he wants to finish him. He tags in Roode who stalks Angle. Angle slips out of a firemans carry and takes out both Sabin and Daniels. Roode rushes in, but Angle avoids him and Roode knocks Kaz off of the apron. Angle hits a few clotheslines and a flying forearm. Angle hits a belly to belly suplex on Roode and Sabin, who rushes in.
Angle hits a trio of german suplexes on Roode. Daniels comes in and Angle has a trio for him. Kaz comes in and he meets the same fate. Angle still has the waistlock on Kaz, who clutches on to Daniels, who grabs the ropes. The ref knocks the rope out of Daniels' hands and Angle suplexes both Kaz and Daniels. Angle is noticeably tired and it is clear Kaz and Daniels were doing a lot of jumping to help Angle get them over on the last few suplexes.
Angle gets up and clotehslines Sabin and hits the Angle Slam on Sabin. He locks in the Ankle lock on Kaz, but Daniels tries to break it up. Angle takes down Daniels and locks in both Kaz and Daniels in the ankle lock. Roode comes in with a chair and misses with a swing to Angle's head. Angle hits the Angle slam on Roode and grabs the chair. He hits Roode in the back with the chair and ref calls for the bell.
Kurt Angle Disqualified
Winners: Robert Roode, Daniels, Kaz and Chris Sabin
Angle uses the chair to clear the ring of the other team and beats Roode down with the chair. Roode is selling the beating and rolls out of the ring. Roode's music plays, but Angle stands in the ring with the chair.
We come back from commercials and we see a recap of the recent match. Roode's team are celebrating in the back, and Roode says they need to get ready for the big Turkey dinner. They need to all think about what they are the most thankful for. Roode says that he is most thankful for being himself, and tonight he proved that Kurt Angle cannot beat him.
Gunner and Storm are in the back and Storm says that he doesn't know how Storm is getting double-teamed and his partner is just sitting on the apron. The cameraman asks if they have a goal as a tag-team, and Gunner storms away. Storm says that nobody dictates the future for James Storm.
We see the bracket for the world title tournament again and they hype the matches for next weeks Impact. We get a collection of videos for each man left in the tournament.
Dixie is in the back with EC3, while Spud sets the table. Dixie says that they have a dinner for themselves all set up back home, and are leaving on Dixie's plane right now. She tells Spud that he is in charge of the meal tonight, and she wants it to be a festive occasion.
We come back from ads and Spud is in the ring with the table set up for Thanksgiving. He welcomes everyone to the dinner and thanks the Carter's for having the dinner. All the winners come out, including Gail Kim with Tapa, Sky with Sabin and Ion with the BroMans. There are not enough seats at the table, so Tapa and Ion have to stand.
Spud welcomes them to the dinner, but Roode gets up and grabs the mic. He looks at Velvet and asks Sabin what she is doing here, as this is a table for winners only. Sabin grabs the mic and says "Bobby, you are absolutely right." He kicks out Sky and says that he will bring her a doggy back. Roode orders Zema to sit down, and he obliges. Roode tells everyone to feast their eyes on a table of true winners. He says they would all like to thank Dixie Carter. He then asks what everyone is thankful for.
Daniels says that him and Kaz are thankful for being dashingly-handsome, very intelligent, and well-endowed. Everything is coming up Bad Influence.
Kaz says that he is thankful that Park is not here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie. He says that he thankful that he gets to spend Thanksgiving withe the Extraordinary Gentlemens Organization.
Kim says she is thankful for Tapa being so thankful, and that she is thankful for being the prettiest and the most dominant Knockout in history and her family.
Sabin says that he is thankful for his faithful, luxurious, beautiful...hair that is on the top of his head. He is thankful for being the greatest X division champion of all-time and he adds Sky in at the end.
Jesse says that on behalf of the BroMans, they are thankful for Phil Heath and DJ Zema Ion. And they are thankful for tonight, not having to wear the turkey suits.
Roode has the mic and says that he is thankful for the REAL Thanksgiving, which was last month, in Canada. He is also thankful for being Kurt Angle three times, including tonight. And that each and every fan will be thankful when he becomes the new TNA World Champion.
Angle comes down the ramp and says that he sees a ring full of turkeys, and while each of them cheated to get into the dinner, they will never get to enjoy the fruits of their victory. Roode says that if Angle thinks he is so bad, why not come join them? Angle brings out all the losers from tonight, including Norv and Dewey, who are still in turkey suits, come down to the ring. The heel stand up for a fight and the faces get in teh ring and food starts flying everywhere. Sky puts an apple pie in Kims face, and ODB hits a chair shot on Tapa. EY dumps the table on the outside. EY picks up the Turkey and hits Kaz with it in the head. Gunner and Storm dump Jesse and Robbie on the floor, and Norv and Dewey hit twin frog splashes on them. Spud looks very upset and the faces celebrate in the ring as Impact goes off the air.
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