WWE Total Divas Recap: Rosa Mendes Kisses Paige, Brie Bella Locks Down The House, Eva's Photo Shoot

Here it comes: One of the most talked-about hours in weekly, pro wrestling-themed, all-female, reality show entertainment! If you don't watch Total Divas on E!, never fear! We've got all of the action and intrigue covered, right?freakin'?here!

Let's get down to ringside?Umm? Sorry. Force of habit.

The show starts as Nikki and Brie visit Eva after her surgery. She shows off her boobs and Nikki and Brie each feel one and comment on them. Brie notices that Nikki isn't wearing underwear and they chat about it for a while. Welcome to Total Divas, everyone!

Later on, the Bella sisters are out for a stroll. Brie says that whoever invents a time machine will be, like, the richest man on Earth. This is what regular, non-Diva types talk about every day, right?

The Bellas connect with some other Divas for lunch (or perhaps it's brunch) and they start talking about that time that Daniel subdued a burglar with a rear naked choke. Brie gets totally freaked out and the general tone of the confab doesn't help.

Jonathan takes Eva Marie out for a ride and Eva gets a call that Muscle and Fitness wants her to do a photo shoot for their magazine. She's understandably excited but she immediately feels the pressure to do some tightening and toning.

Then we cut to Rosa and Paige shopping at a boutique. Paige tells Rosa she is beautiful and that seems to tickle Rosa's proverbial fancy. They try on some clothes and compliment one another to the moon. I think we all know where this is heading?

In the gym, Eva gets busy working out. She pushes herself a little too hard and Cameron seems worried.

Back at the Brie & Bryan ranch, they're breaking in some new home security stuff. Brie says she might want to get a gun and Daniel tries to argue against that. Commercial sign.

When we get back to the show, some of the Divas are hanging out. It's the Three Amigas at their best: Alicia Fox, Paige and Rosa Mendes. The check out Christina's closet and wax philosophical about bisexuality. Paige leaves and Rosa lets on that she kinda, sorta might have a crush on the Pale Princess. Somewhere, Quagmire just yelled, "Giggety!"

Backstage at a WWE show, Natalya, Cameron and Eva Marie chat about stuff. Eva is now approaching "freak-out" mode about her photo shoot. Outside in the lot, Eva critiques her portrait on one of the WWE trucks and Cameron thinks she's straight-up cray-cray. Titus comes out and tries to assure Eva that she's a "10." Eva's not terribly impressed, though. She must've known that he'd only last four seconds in the Royal Rumble.

Next up, we hit the gym with Cameron, Brie and Nattie. Brie tells the ladies she's worrying a lot about their safety back at home. The trainer chimes in and says that he's a former corrections officer and that you just can't be too safe in this day and age. Brie leaves with even more on her mind.

Alicia, Rosa and Paige meet for dinner and Cameron asks Rosa if she would ever like a family. Rosa says she's more into women right now. Alicia tells Total Divas viewers that the whole "crush" thing may threaten the future of the "Three Amigas." Back at the restaurant, Alicia bids adieu and when it comes time for Paige to say goodbye to Rosa, Rosa plants a big wet one on Paige. Not?awkward?.at all. Okay, actually it's waaay awkward and Paige is not sure what to make of it. Seems like a good time for a break, eh?

When we return to the show, Paige asks Rosa what was up with that kiss and Rosa says, "Didn't you like it?" Obviously she didn't Rosa. An awkward conversation ensues in which Paige says she ain't down with all that. Rosa takes off in a cab.

Back in Phoenix, Daniel meets Brie at the airport. After they talk about their dog pooping in the garden, Brie tells Daniel she wants to put "Bob wire" up around the house. After they smooth out the actual pronunciation of the term "barbed wire," Brie says she really, really wants to do more to make their home secure. Like crazy things. Daniel pokes fun at her a little bit and Brie doesn't appreciate it.

Alicia and Paige connect at the WWE Performance Center and do some work in the ring with the noobs. Later on, Paige recounts her kiss from Rosa. Alicia suggests that Paige may have sent some mixed signals. Kinda strange putting that on Paige but okay?

Eva goes shopping in L.A. with Cameron and while she's in the fitting room, Eva has a weird episode in which she gets a little lightheaded. Let's see what happens after the commercial.

After the ads, Daniel Bryan pulls up to his house and finds that Brie has indeed installed some barbed wire on a fence around their house. She also puts up "Beware of Dog" signs all around the fence to warn people of their teeny, tiny dog. Daniel Bryan says he's going to get started on a bomb shelter.

Paige and Alicia drive around and talk about missing Rosa in their trio. Paige tries to get her on the phone but Rosa doesn't answer. Then Alicia calls her and Rosa picks up. Noooo waaay! Rosa invites Alicia over to hang with her friends and Paige indicates she's starting to feel left out.

Commercials roll and then Paige crashes Rosa's party at the restaurant. Rosa runs out saying that she's embarrassed and doesn't want to talk to her after what happened. Paige mentions that Rosa probably shouldn't be around alcohol and they argue some more. It's unresolved as we head into the next segment.

Cameron talks to Jonathan and shares that she is worries that Eva is pushing herself too hard and jeopardizing her health. On the way to a movie, they, talk to Eva about what's been going on and predictably, she doesn't see it like they do.

Brie and Daniel talk more about the fact that their home has now become a maximum security facility. Brie then decides that she wants to move because she no longer feels safe in their house. Daniel lobbies against this and suggests that maybe they should start a neighborhood watch. Brie will consider it.

Jonathan and Cameron talk to Eva a little further about her situation and introduce her to an artist named Jordan. It's like an exercise so that she can get a handle on what might be some body dysmorphic stuff that she has going on. Then a guy named Christopher comes in and describes how he views Eva and Jordan presents Eva with artistic renderings of both descriptions. Eva seems to realize that she has some real issues in her perception of things. It is a surprisingly poignant moment.

Nattie joins Alicia and Paige at a restaurant and things are going swimmingly until Rosa comes in. Paige calls her over and Rosa says she has nothing to say to her. Paige then explains the situation to Natalya. Alicia again blames it on Paige's "energy," whatever that means. Nattie reigns it all in and says they should all go easy on Rosa. Paige is still kind of annoyed, though.

At a SmackDown taping, we get a quick look at some in-ring stuff and then Paige and Rosa sit down for a chat. Paige tells Rosa she's sorry for giving her the wrong idea. Rosa says she's been fragile these days and with all that, the ladies make nice. Paige goes in for a hug and jokes with Rosa about grabbing her boobs. Annnnd?scene.

At the Muscle and Fitness photo shoot, all goes well as the photogs love what they see from Eva. Eva says that it's been an eye-opening experience to get to this point.

After some coming attractions, this one is in the books. Next week?because YOU demanded it?more from Mark Carrano! Be there!