Total Divas Recap: Nikki's Singing Career, Nattie Worries She's Old, Paige's Relationship Woes, More

This week: Nikki sings, or tries to, Nattie worries about her career and Paige has relationship concerns.

A not-very-good meeting with talent relations executive Mark Carrano gives Nattie's confidence a severe blow. Nattie, at the the ripe old age of 32, is starting to wonder if she's getting too old for the wrestling business. This is like Logan's Run, Divas-style. She goes around asking people how old she looks. Emma, who may or may not have been trolling her, says 37. Oops.


Nattie's response to this is to dress up, go out with the girls, drink a lot and use words and phrases like "dope" and "bae" and "What is up my boo boo kitty?!" and, in general, try embarrassingly hard to be hip and cool. She even climbs on the tables while the other patrons look at her like she's crazy. The other women look rightly concerned at her antics.

At home, TJ also wonders what is going on with his wife. TJ seems to spend every other episode wondering what is going on with his wife. Thank God this show is mostly scripted and fictional, or you'd wonder why the poor man stays in an obviously dysfunctional marriage.

This whole angle is played for laughs but might actually be a subversive dig about how terribly the wrestling business can treat women sometimes. It is hard for a woman in WWE once she's out of her 20s. Nattie might be scared for her career, but she has genuine reason to be. She feels old and over the hill at 32, meanwhile Sting is still getting title shots at 56. It's a horrible double standard.


Thankfully, a down-to-Earth talk with Nikki helps give Nattie some perspective. And things are OK. For now. Nattie will probably be doing something crazy again next week while TJ can only look on helplessly.

Meanwhile, Paige's boyfriend Kevin Something-or-Other goes to visit her on the set of future Oscar-winning WWE Studios film Santa's Little Helper. Kevin is a rock star, apparently. Paige is in love with him in the delirious, girlish type of way that young women are in love with dudes who have guitars and beards and cool leather jackets.

Anyway, Paige gets jealous when she sees him taking a picture with another girl. She decides to "test" his fidelity. Stop reading so many women's magazines and listening to Rosa Mendes, Paige. Kevin finds out about it and is rightfully annoyed. He looks on the verge of ending the relationship as any sane, rational human being would if they find out they're dating a crazy person who doesn't have any faith in them.

Come on, Paige. Kevin is a decent-looking dude in a mildly famous rock band. He can probably do better than an immature girl with serious trust issues. You're driving this man away. Paige narrowly manages to avoid disaster by blaming everything on Rosa and saying it was all her idea.


In another subplot, Nikki is exploring a music career. This will go about as well as Brooke Hogan's music career. She heads to Titan Towers to sing a new theme song.

She talks to legendary musician Jim Johnson, who hints he's had to deal with some vocally-challenged superstars before but, alas, he's far too nice to dish the dirt and name names. Anyway, Nikki starts singing and proves to be one of those vocally challenged superstars. Renee Young is around and can barely keep a straight face. Poor Jim is driven to drink.

Eh, I still think Nikki is better at singing than Katy Perry.

Later on, the Bellas go play hockey and Nikki attempts to beat her sister to death with a hockey stick in a murderous, how-dare-you-get-married-before-me? rage. Well, OK, not quite. But that would make for a more interesting episode. Later Brie plays a prank and convinces Nikki she's going to have to sing the national anthem at that evening's game. So we didn't get that Roseanne Barr moment, alas.

Next week: Nattie's sister is dating Big E! I'm not so sure you want to get involved with this crazy family, Big E. Perhaps TJ can warn him before it's too late?