Total Divas Recap: Daniel Bryan's Future, Nikki Bella Tells John Cena About Dolph Ziggler Kiss, More

Dolph proposes marriage and children and tries to kiss Cena's girlfriend. While Cena is in the building. That, my friends, is called a "bad career move." Nikki gives him a silly-looking slap, because, well, she's seen too many episodes of Dynasty growing up.

Nikki says she's not going to tell John about the kiss because she wants to "remain professional at work." Which would be admirable if she hadn't just assaulted a co-worker.

So, Brie wants kids. Pretty sure 90% of Brie's on-screen time on Total Divas has been about her wanting kids. She's also not crazy about Bryan wrestling again. But he's determined. "My mind is always thinking about wrestling." I don't think think is the healthiest attitude to have, quite frankly. No wonder Brie is unhappy. She tries to help him find "a real job" and prepare for a life outside of the business. It goes about as well as you could expect.

Paige sets up a meeting between Nikki and Dolph at a fish pedicure place so they can talk about their problems. All dramatic heart-to-heart conversations on television should take place over fish pedicures. Dolph trashes Cena non-stop and says he runs to the ring awkwardly. Well, he's got him there.

Dolph is gorgeous and all, but he's coming off a bit stalkerish here. I mean, he's basically proposed to her despite her not being that interested in him and happy with someone else. At some point, Nikki might have to call the cops.

Paige, meanwhile, has her own relationship problems. She still hasn't told Kevin she doesn't want to marry him. She goes to a cat cafe in Japan to think it all over while surrounded by kittens. Yes. There's a cat cafe in Japan. How cool is that? Don't tell Nattie, though. She'd probably move in there and never leave.

Anyway, after returning from Japan, Paige eventually blurts out to Kevin that she's not ready for marriage...while he's in the middle of making wedding plans. Awkward.

"I was trying to give you hints I didn't want to get married!" "What kind of hints?" "I would say, 'I don't want to get married'!" OK, these two are quickly becoming one of the funniest parts of this programme. Kevin is annoyed at her untruthfulness, but ultimately the two reconcile.

Nikki decides to tell John about Dolph trying to seduce her. I imagine she realized a camera crew was right there and taped the whole thing and he was inevitably going to find out anyway.

Instead of freaking out, breaking a table and vowing to hunt down Dolph and beat him up, he...well, shrugs it off. He's not particularly bothered. Nikki is understandably chagrined by his apathetic reaction. So am I, frankly. What, you're not even going to fight the guy trying to steal your girlfriend on PPV? This is like the Matt Hardy/Lita/Edge love triangle if Matt was just: "Eh, whatever. Do what you want." John's lack of manly rage is disappointing.

On next week's episode: TJ is stressed?life with a broken neck and Nattie's insanity will do that to you?and Bryan announces to Brie his intention to open his own cat cafe.