Total Divas Recap: Nattie's Family Vacation, Nikki And Brie's Clothing Line, Mandy, More

Nattie's family vacation is not going to plan. Having watched this show for a while now, I can assure you: Nothing Nattie ever plans goes according to plan. Wacky antics ensue, no matter what she does. And she will always freak out about it.

So, anyway, it turns out the Neidharts and Mandy's family, the Saccamanos?Nattie invited them along last week, remember??cannot get along. At all. That Mandy has all these absurdly attractive, hunky brothers does not seem to mitigate things. "Just act normal!" Nattie tells her family, apparently not realizing this is the Hart family we're talking about.

They compete in a family vs. family boat race and Nattie and Anvil are not happy one bit when the Saccamanos emerge victorious. It's OK, guys. We know they only won because they distracted the ref.

Despite the chaos, we learn Mandy is secretly hoping this dysfunctional vacation will reunite her divorced parents and rekindle their love and get them back together. Alas, Mandy does not realize her life is not a cheesy '90s romantic comedy starring Diane Keaton and reality doesn't work that way.

Sure enough, Mandy's Cute Brother #1 tells her not to get her hopes up. He's absolutely sure the marriage is over. "Me and dad are close!" he yells dramatically?which comes off as a bit of a sly dig at his siblings, frankly. Mandy's Cute Brother #2 disagrees and gets mad at him for being narrow-minded. Mandy's Cute Brother #3 silently hangs out in the background and seems unsure about how he feels. Mandy, meanwhile, is just left confused.

Anyway, her dad tells her flat-out a reconciliation is not happening. I did feel quite bad for Mandy here, admittedly, even if she's been watching too many bad suburban comedy films. She comes off as a genuinely quite nice person on this show and you do find yourself rooting for her a lot.

The main thing is that by the end of the show, Nattie has learned her lesson. She can't control everything and has to stop freaking out. Which is fine. Until next week when she's trying to control everything again and can't stop freaking out.

In other news: Nikki and Brie are arguing. Yes, again. They are trying to build a new business. Yes, again. Anyone remember the Yoga studio/health club/gym thing they were doing last season? What ever happened with that? What about when Nikki was getting into Real Estate? Or the motivational speaking? Or getting the girls wanting to advertise for the burger people? Or their Hollywood acting careers?

How many side projects do these two have?

Anyway, now it's a fashion line. The ladies want to get into the lingerie business. Brie wants to call it "BirdieBee!" and is aiming for the "Organic Sheek" look. Yeah, I don't know exactly what "Organic Sheek" is meant to be. I'm sure it's cool, though.

They randomly demand a meeting with a clothing mogul in New York and get one because, hey, they're beautiful women on television. Anything is possible when you're a beautiful woman on television, I suppose. He is sufficiently encouraging of their aspirations. Or perhaps he's just afraid of being beaten up by John Cena and Daniel Bryan, I don't know.

They then go to a fabric store and meet "Stephanie the Sewing Instructor." Stephanie tries to instruct Brie about, well, sewing, but it doesn't really work out. And Nikki is all too happy to pile on the criticism. In fairness to Nikki, she might have a valid point about Brie's inability to make clothes. Only an octopus could fit into that underwear. However, Brie is still furious at her remarks.

Honestly, I'd be more invested in this clothing business idea if I thought we were ever going to hear about it again. It doesn't necessarily sound like a bad concept, though.

Most importantly: By the end, Nikki and Brie make up and resolve to talk to each other more and not argue about their latest side project. Even though by the next show, yes, they will almost certainly be arguing again about their latest side project.

Similar to Nattie, their lives have turned into a David Lynch-like Mobius Strip. They are caught in a never-ending pattern of bad behavior. And we're stuck in it with them. There is no escape from this horror. Ever. For any of us.

On next week's episode: Nikki and Brie decide to open up their own zoo. "But what about the clothing line?" a frantic Daniel demands as an escaped zebra attacks him and he has to fend it off with a broom. "Wait, we had a clothing line?" a puzzled Brie asks. Meanwhile, Nikki trashes Brie for not keeping the gates properly locked.