Total Divas Recap: Paige's Secret Revealed, Nikki Goes Camping, Rosa's Baby Shower, More

Rosa is holding her baby shower. But no one is going. Mandy and Eva are both busy due to NXT obligations. Alicia can't come because of family commitments. Paige is unavailable too, due to having to be on MTV's Ridiculousness — yeah, this party will be pretty empty.

Understandably, Rosa is deeply unhappy with all this, although she does get in a great dig at Mandy: "Oh, it's perfectly OK you can't come. I haven't known you that long anyway." Grumpy hormonal pregnant women are not to be messed with, obviously.

We learn that Paige has a dark secret. No, she's not really a man or an Iggy Azalea fan or anything shocking like that. She talks to Big Show—he just hangs around backstage offering nice, sensitive advice and loving hugs like a giant, 7 foot tall version of Oprah. Paige reveals her story: she had a miscarriage at 18 in England. She also had surgery in America that could stop her having children in the future. This is all very depressing for a usually light show.

She ends up making it to Rosa's adorable pink-themed baby shower and explains to her friend her reasons for not initially wanting to go. Then Big Show randomly appears and gives them both free cars.

Meanwhile, Nikki, Brie, Bryan and JJ all drive to Washington to experience the great outdoors. Nikki denies she's high-maintenance. She's ready to be at one with nature and take on the wilderness: "I've been to Alaska!" she explains, as if that covers it all.

She's also bought herself perhaps the most ridiculous set of high-heeled camping boots in the history of camping. Bryan is unimpressed. He's seen enough Rambo movies and Discovery channel shows to spot the real from the fake, you see. Nikki's a bit spoiled and materialistic, sure, but I've never been quite convinced Brie and Bryan are experts at this nature stuff, either.

Bryan tells her she couldn't cope with real camping—and with $50 on the line his sister-in-law agrees to spend the night in the backyard. However, Nikki ultimately gives up when she finds out she'll have to go to the bathroom outside. Yeah, that and the nettles don't sound like a good combination. "I'm not risking my girl parts for this!" Nikki yells, in what just might be the best line in this show's history.

It's kind of sad she didn't stick it out, though: By the time they found Nikki in the morning she would have gone crazy, grabbed a gun, smeared dirt on her face and been hunting squirrels for food, Katniss Everdeen-style. Which would make for an interesting storyline next season at least, as Brie and Bryan tried to rehabilitate this poor feral mad woman back into civilized society.

In other news: Alicia is attempting to get her family back together.

Alas, all she, her sister and her mom can do is bicker and argue non-stop with one another and occasionally engage in over-the-top hysterical crying. Oh, and there's a lot of unnecessary guilt being inflicted. Frankly, they're the perfect fit for this show. We should see more of the Fox family.

On next week's episode: Nikki and John Cena journey to the deep, dark mountains of the Pacific Northwest to go hunting for Bigfoot. They actually stumble across the monster, and Cena is able to pin him for the three-count with minimal effort. Bryan then grudgingly acknowledges that Nikki might have some decent camping and hunting skills after all.

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