Total Divas S7 E4 Recap: Lana Calls RAW Star "Lazy", Brie Bella Donates Breast Milk, Miz & Maryse

It's the fourth episode of Total Divas, and needless to say, the drama is at an all-time high with these ladies, who don't seem to know if they're coming or going from the ring. This was one of those episodes where the focus was more on the drama, and less on the actual ringside battles, so this reviewer was a little disappointed. Still, it was a good time, as Total Divas tends to be.

So let's get right into it.

First, Maryse and The Miz have been living not-so-comfortably in LA for a while now. Even though their home is gated, and the community is amazing (I've lived there, I would know), they somehow manage to be the victims of home invasions like every other week. (Well, every other week is an exaggeration, but their house has been broken into for the third time in five years, which is unheard of. What the hell is going on in there? What does he have in there that's so important? It can't be the Intercontinental belt. Maybe The Miz collects memorabilia? There's no way this type of a house should get this many break-ins...)

In any event, The Miz comes up with the brilliant idea to teach Maryse's mother how to shoot a gun (no mention of a license, though...), but Maryse isn't having it, and she puts the house on the market without telling her super-intelligent husband. Naturally, the press picks up on the listing, and The Miz finds out that his wife is trying to sell his house out from under him that way (as opposed to finding out the way a normal married couple would do, which is in the divorce proceedings). So Miz pitches a fit, and tells Maryse to take it off the market. Then, someone comes through and offers to buy the house at the list price and all in cash. Presented with the prospect of — wait for it! — money in the bank, the happy couple decide it's a good idea to sell their LA digs after all, and it's off to Vegas they go.

Meanwhile, Lana is starting to feel herself ever since she realized that she no longer has to worry about her place in the ring, so she starts beefing with pretty much everybody, because that's just the way things have to be, of course.

There's an old saying: God looks out for children and stupid people. It's up to you to decide which category Lana belongs in, because she's gotten yet another lucky break with her Fatal 5-Way match to determine who will face off against Naomi at SummerSlam. She goes to Natalya for advice, but needless to say, Lana gets annoying about it, and she gets so annoying that it all comes to a head during a get-together with Nia Jax (who needs to change her name to THE ROCK'S COUSIN, all in caps, because she says it like the Pope says Amen) and Carmella right before the Mae Young classic.

Natalya fires the first shot by implying that Lana might not be ready for the ring, which causes Lana to fire back and say that Nia is lazy and Nattie can't talk on the mic. (Carmella, somehow, escapes unscathed, though Lord knows there's plenty one can say about Carmella.)

Carmella tries to calm everyone down, too, by saying that they all "bring something to the table." Well...yeah.

There's a bunch of F-bombs thrown in there for good measure, too.

And finally, Brie Bella gives us all a total AW! moment when she decides to donate her excess breast milk. You see, there's an organization that allows mothers to donate their extra breast milk to other mothers who either can't provide breast milk to their children for medical reasons, or who don't produce enough milk for their offspring. (We didn't know that, either.) She decides to do this when she takes a trip to the NICU and meets the mother of premature twins (I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying). To donate her excess milk to the organization, Brie has to go through a strict regimen of hydrating and pumping, because she has to give them 100 ounces a day. (For purposes of comparison, a gallon of cow's milk in the dairy aisle is 128 ounces.) Naturally, concerned papa Daniel Bryan is concerned that his wife is pumping too much and won't have enough for baby Birdie (who is the spitting image of Daniel Bryan), but all's well that ends well, because Brie is apparently a human cow that produces enough for her baby and so, so many more.

And, as the organization says, "every ounce counts."