Total Divas S7 E5 Recap: Lana Does Not Want To Get Pregnant, Brie Bella Contemplates WWE Return

It's totally within a woman's prerogative to want more out of life than either one thing or another — why CAN'T a woman have both a career and a family, after all? And the stars of Total Divas are no different — these women are well within their right to have a baby and a career in the ring. Lord knows they're successful enough.

So let's get to it.

We open up this episode with the Bella twins overseeing a photoshoot for their Birdiebee baby line, named after — who else? — cute baby Birdie. And while it's all good and fine, especially since their dream about the line is becoming a reality, Brie admits that she doesn't get the creative and/or athletic rush designing baby booties as she does when she's kicking the crap out of her opponents in the ring. So, they try their hand at other athletic endeavors, only to realize — after seeing a horse race, no less — that they want that lovin' feeling from the ring again. With the help, and the blessing, of Daniel Bryan (a/k/a SmackDown Live's manager, a/k/a Brie's husband and Birdie's daddy) and Nia Jax, Brie and Nikki decide that yes, as a matter of fact, they would like to get back in the ring, and they're going to stop at nothing to make it happen. Go get 'em girls!

Meanwhile, as Alexa Bliss adopts a pig named Larry Steve (!) that Rusev is hilariously obsessed with, Lana and Rusev decide to have "the talk" about whether or not they want a bunch of Bulgarian babies. (Spoiler alert: Maryse is going to turn up pregnant soon, too!) Put simply: Rusev wants kids, and lots of them. And he brings them up at every single opportunity he can get. The problem is, even though Lana knows that her man wants kids, she's not totally sold on the idea of having a family of her own, especially now that her stellar career (!!) is beginning to take off. And while that's all good and fine, Lana never learned the old adage about "washing your dirty laundry in the house," and proceeds to air out the couple's beefs in front of their friends Bliss, Sheamus, and Nia Jax (THE! ROCK'S! COUSIN!) at Rusev's Bulgarian naming party. Ultimately, the happy couple decide to hold off on kids until the time is right (which, given the way Lana is acting, will be on the 12th of Never).

Natalya is, frankly, wrestling royalty — she's the daughter of the legendary Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart — but that doesn't stop her from trying to be the best daughter ever. Now that she's ready to battle for the SmackDown Women's Championship Match, she's ready to live another dream: buying her mom and dad a house. This, of course, goes about as well as one might expect: they clog the kitchen sink, the dog pees in the house the minute he gets in it, and they park a golf cart on the front lawn. It's bad enough when you have a crap tenant — but it's even worse when the crap tenant was responsible for your birth. How do you tell your mom and dad to get it together? You don't, that's how. But Natalya's mother has the perfect solution: enter into a landlord-tenant agreement with her daughter so that everyone's happy. Natalya agrees, the contract is signed, and they all live happily ever after. How cute.

Total Divas airs every Wednesday night at 9:00 p.m. EST on the E! Network.