Life is full of rare occurrences that come along only once in a while. UFO sightings, a Canadian team winning the Stanley Cup, a good Superman movie, the release of a Guns N’ Roses album — there’s a chance you’ll get to see them one day, but it’s unlikely. And yet, one shouldn’t give up hope, for last night something even wilder occurred on “AEW Dark:” a Serpentico victory.

Yes, the AEW star hit the pay window last night for the first time since October 5, 2021, defeating luchador and noted “man who looks remarkably like Juventud Guerrera” Vary Morales on last night’s “Dark.” The victory not only was Serpentico’s first of 2022, but gave him approximately one more win than archrival Jon Cruz has during the year. And as might be expected, Serpentico released a press release celebrating said victory.

The press release noted that “Serpentico aka SNAKEMAN aka SNAKE Daddeh” would now be going by the nickname UNDEFEATEDMAN, in honor of him being undefeated for the last week. He then released a series of decrees and demands he felt owed due to his victory, which included fans no longer being allowed to boo him, a traveling bus with every video game console known to man, a revival of the superstore K-Mart, the banishment of Nyla Rose from Twitter, Chaos Project teammate Luther now being known as Lord Luther, airport carpets being replaced by something more environmentally friendly, Satnam Singh joining Chaos Project, and the unification of all the AEW titles by Serpentico, thus making him AEW’s “Elden Lord.” No word on Tony Khan’s reaction to said decrees.

As of this moment, Serpentico is not scheduled for tonight’s “AEW Dynamite”, Friday’s “AEW Rampage” or AEWxNJPW: Forbidden Door this Sunday at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois, despite his historic victory. Thus, one can only speculate on which brave soul will step up to take on the UNDEFEATEDMAN next.

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